Dear Zoey--You know we love you and would love to give you anything your little heart desires.Within reason.I don't quite understand why you want those stupid things. Maybe you're proud of your family? Maybe you're just in love with your name? I don't ...

Dear Zoey--First of all, we're both really impressed that you've recently started reading nonfiction books. While we love hearing of the trials and tribulations of Katie Kazoo, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Stink, and that wimpy little bastard, it's nice to hear...

Hey Joe--First of all, I've got to tell you I'm a lifelong Yankees fan. I also feel you've done a hell of a job managing the team and the different personalities this year. Hell, A-Rod alone must've caused more than a few gray hairs!Now that the pleasa...

Dear Ashley Tisdale--I see you have a new movie, Aliens In The Attic, opening today. Actually, it took several viewings of the commercial before I even realized you were in the movie. You decided not to do The Suite Life On Deck so you could concentrat...

Dear David Foster Wallace--I tried.Really, I tried.But I just couldn't get into Infinite Jest.Maybe I'm too stupid to get it. Maybe the sheer size of the book (1,077 pages!) got to me (but I must congratulate you on writing a book I could've used as a ...