We tried them out this weekend. Tiger dad style. I never said this would be a cakewalk, Brainy Baby.

By the way, Brainy Baby wants to help you make your baby smarter, too. Just leave a comment complimenting my baby’s acting debut and I’ll enter you in the drawing. I’ll give you until Friday, Jan 13, 5pm PST.

This is why I keep a mental checklist to make sure that everyone in my family gets sick before the holidays. Ok, so it’s not like I cough in their faces or lick the doorknobs come November or anything. It’s more of a peace of mind kind of list. If someone gets sick close enough to the holidays, I know I won’t have to worry about them being under the weather once the festivities begin.

So far so good, this year.

My wife is sick right now. She took a sick day yesterday and went to work today, which means she’ll be fine by Christmas Eve.

Lessi had the flu in November, and has been sniffly and coughy for a little while. Nothing too intense, which is good. I hate it when babies are miserable. Right now, she is all happy and giggly, but shoots a mean snot rocket every so often. Lisa bought one of those Vicks vaporizer machines for her room. That thing rules. I’ll walk in during the course of the night, stand over it and take a deep inhale. Yes, I inhaled. Lessi also likes to take hits off the Vicks minty stick thing (my apologies: I am a Vicks Blogger Brigade member and I’m making up names for their products). In the spirit of disclosure, I did NOT receive any of my Vicks products for free. We went and bought all that with money, so I guess it’s ok if I name them myself. Moving on…

Fury got some nasty stomach flu that took him down for a few days earlier this month. Poor kid. Glad that’s over with. I noticed today that he sounded a bit nasally, so I’m a little worried. But he’s on Winter Break right now, so his “fun fun fun!” gland is probably working overtime, and that has cold-fighting effects, I’ve heard. He’s playing video games right now. I just walked up behind him and slathered some Vicks Vapo Rub on his throat. Why? Because I’m a Vicks ambassador, that’s why!

As for me? I have some weird ailment going on. Everything feels sprained. Not sore, but actually sprained. I’ve had body aches from the flu before, and these aren’t those. It literally feels like I fell on each and every one of my fingers and it hurts to move them. Same with my neck and my back and my knees. Even my tongue. I’m afraid to get on WebMD. I’m also coughing so much it wakes me up at night. I’m sure glad I have a tub of VapoRub. And a butter knife.

But you know what would make me really feel better? If you went to Vicks’ Facebook page and and sent me a Vicks “Feel Better Friend” virtual giftbox. Because I can’t send one to myself. I tried. Shut up, I’m covering up emotional scars. Psychotherapeutics aside, “Feel Better Friend” is free and really cool. In fact, you can send one to all your friends who are feeling craptacular. The page scans your friends’ updates and tells you who’s sick based on their updates. Then you can swoop in and look like the hero. Win-win. Cough… cough…whimper…

Last year my love for Dexter manifested itself in a Halloween costume (with matching office decor).

Then I made a “How Dexter Would Cook a Turkey” video.

This year, I wrote a seasonally appropriate poem. And by sharing it with you, I’m killing two birds with one roll of Saran Wrap, because I’d also like you to know that you can now find me writing for MamaPop.

What? Jim writing for MamaPop??? Yeah, that’s what everyone says. Then again, you didn’t know Mister Rogers was a Marine sniper either, did you? (I know it’s an urban legend, but the analogy worked too well so go with it).

I’m only two posts in and I’ve already blown most of my pop culture wad. My first post was about Guns N’ Roses, and the post that went live today is about Dexter. I guess I’ll just post about Star Wars from here on out until they cut me off.

So anyway, without further excuses, please enjoy my latest: Twas the Night Before the ‘Dexter’ Season 6 Finale.

But last month, it was a little less painful. The subject line on an email from school read: Star Wars Holiday Luncheon – December 9, 2011.  And the email inside? Volunteer to serve lunch for the Rebel Alliance on Dec. 9. Also, dress the part.

I was the first one to put my name in. School tuition ROI, thy name is “I get to wear my Han Solo costume in public.”

Today was that day.

When I walked into the assembly hall to check in, I was greeted by Star Wars music blaring, a laser light show on the ceiling and, yes, a Christmas tree made of lightsabers.

Before the kids got there, I flexed a little Star Wars knowledge on some well-intentioned, but less Star Wars enlightened parent volunteers. Someone suggested that I battle the mom dressed as Darth Vader with lightsabers as the kids filed in. I politely pointed out that Han Solo would never stoop down to the level of battling anyone with a lightsaber because the Force to him is just a hokey religion.

“Trust me, the kids will call us out on that one.”

While I didn’t have to defile Star Wars by making Han Solo pick up a lightsaber, I did have to jump in for the save a few times. One of the kids pointed out that Darth Vader was wielding a blue lightsaber and that was clearly wrong. I quickly jumped in to help the befuddled Vader by pointing out that Vader had just destroyed a hapless Jedi and took his lightsaber. The second grader stared me down for a few seconds, nodded in acceptance and asked me for more juice.

Obi Wan is coming to townI have never waited tables in my life, but can I just put it out there that I would never, ever work at a restaurant that served 8th graders? They don’t as much eat, but descend upon a group of tables like locusts. As a parent waiter today, I got in all my cardio for the week. And my brain hurts.

This just made me happier that Fury is a 4th grader. When his group sat down, it was pretty simple. Plus, all his friends kind of know me so they, like, listen to me.

Yes, that’s my Boba Fett hoodie he’s wearing. When did he get so big?

If I eat one of these, there will be balance in the Force

Intergalactic princesses love scoundrel dad bloggersWhen lunch was over, it was as if a million kids’ voices cried “recess” and suddenly disappeared. I walked back to the Millennium Volvo and went back to the office. After heading home to change, of course.

It’s the ship that made the daycare run in less than 12 minutes.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is a state of mind. It’s an anytime, all the time kind of thing. Or at least it should be. Read this and you’ll agree.

So, Thanksgiving… it’s never really been a turkey kind of day for my family. First, my parents were from Asia. Nobody eats turkey in Asia. Nobody uses ovens there, either. Both facts aren’t very conducive to late November turkey consumption. In our household, improvisation sometimes led to wonderful things, like my mom’s sticky-rice stuffing. Other times, it led to microwaving the holiday bird to a nice grey hue (but to be fair, this was the early eighties when carousel microwaves were the new shiny thing, and the cookbook that came with ours told us it would be the juiciest thing we ever ate, and they were kind of right… it was the juiciest grey thing any of us ever ate).

Over the decades, we’ve since had our fair share of properly-prepared turkey. Some, like the deep fried variety, were better than others, but I still can’t say I’m a fan. I’ll eat it once or twice a year, but mostly to get into the spirit of the holidays. It’s strictly ceremonial fare for me. Or in my case last year, a psychopathic ritual.

And like last year, Kikkoman sent me a box full of stuff and challenged me to make something with it. So I did. And these dishes were part of this year’s Thanksgiving dinner. All of the following recipes are my own. However, they were all field tested on humans, and all of them ended the evening smiling, despite the lack of turkey on the table.

The two mainstays of the night were tried and true favorites that I’ve posted about in the past. Click on them to get the respective recipes:

Rib Roast (upon re-examination, there’s no recipe. Only tantalizing pictures.)
BusyDad’s Killa Clam Chowda

I also made sauteed green beans with almonds and a baked brie with fig jam, but I improvised those and did not write the recipes down.

Here are the dishes that I conjured up using Kikkoman ingredients:

Far Eastside Chicken Fried Steak

First time I ever had Chicken Fried Steak was in Texas, visiting my uncle about 30 years ago. I haven’t been the same since. You just cannot go wrong taking a hunk of beef, deep frying it and drowning it in gravy. In fact, it may qualify you for sainthood. This is my version of the classic American dish, with a little Asian gangsta lean. It uses Kikkoman Kara Age coating (it’s ginger-soy flavored breading, usually for chicken and fish) and a Terriyaki cream sauce… with bacon in it. You feeling me?

Ingredients:

For the steak

• 1 pouch Kikkoman Kara-Age mix
• 1.5 lb cube steak
• Oil, for deep frying (the more the merrier)

for the sauce

• 1 C Heavy Cream
• 1/8 C Kikkoman Terriyaki Sauce
• 1/2 bunch scallion (green onions)
• 1 Tb butter
• 4 slices bacon, cooked and chopped
• 1/4 tsp cornstarch dissolved in a bit of water
• Toasted sesame seeds (for garnish)

Preparation:

1. Pour the Kara-Age into a plastic bag (I used a gallon sized zip loc type bag).
2. Add the cube steak into the bag and shake it like you used to help your mom make Shake n Bake.
3. Deep fry the coated steaks for approximately 5-6 min. Set aside.
4. To make the sauce, melt the butter and throw in the scallion and sautee for about 30 seconds.
5. Add heavy cream and Terriyaki sauce, bring to a boil.
6. Add cornstarch mixture. Simmer and stir.
7. Add bacon bits.
8. To plate this, cut up steaks on a diagonal, place on a mound of rice, drizzle with sauce and sprinkle sesame seeds over the whole thing.

Note: d Wife added this sauce to egg noodles a few days later. It was quite amazing. Pre-emptively apologize to your arteries, however.

Not-a-Vegetable Mac ‘n Cheese

Now that congress has deemed pizza a vegetable, I have to try extra hard to make decadent foods for the holidays. Because who wants health food when you’re celebrating? Where there’s a will, there’s a way. This version of macaroni and cheese is proof of that. d Wife really loves Brie. I love heavy cream and prosciutto. The crunchy, buttery topping is made from Kikkoman Panko Bread Crumbs (hands down the best on the market). Still with me? Read on.

Ingredients:

Macaroni:

• 16 oz (6C), Macaroni cooked and drained
• 4 Tb cornstarch
• 1 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp dry mustard
• 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
• 6 oz Prosciutto randomly torn into little pieces
• 3 C heavy cream
• 2 C water
• 4 Tb butter
• 3 1/2 C shredded sharp Cheddar cheese,
• 1 1/2 C shredded Brie (it’s easier to shred if you freeze it first)
• 1 granny smith apple, peeled and chopped into small pieces
• 1 C peas, cooked

Panko Crumb Topping:

• 2 C Panko Bread Crumbs
• 2 Tb dried chives
• 1 C shredded cheddar
• 4 Tb butter, in slices/chunks

Preparation:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease 3-quart casserole dish.
2. Cook heavy cream, water, butter, cornstarch, salt, mustard and pepper in medium saucepan over medium-heat, stirring constantly until mixture comes to a boil. Boil a minute longer. Remove from heat. Stir in cheese until melted. Add macaroni; mix well. Add prosciutto, apple and peas. Reeeemix!
3. Set aside. Make topping.
4. Combine crumbs, chives and butter. Use two forks and roughly cream it so it’s chunky, not smooth.
5. Pour macaroni into prepared casserole dish. Top with the 1 C cheddar, and then crumb topping.
6. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until topping is light brown.

Audacious Key Lime Crunch Pie

There are few foods that I believe should never be sullied with extraneous things: cheesecake, hummus, ribeye steak, oysters, cannoli, whiskey, coffee… and key lime pie. I had the audacity to mess with a classic. Thus, the name. This delicious aberration improves upon the standard graham cracker crust by using Anna’s Ginger Thins. I have never been a fan of ginger snaps, but have you ever had Anna’s Ginger Thins? They are unreal. I figured if I was going to mess with the tried and true, I had to go all out. I also added some texture to the key lime part by going with a Kikkoman Panko topping, into which I added lime zest. I still have a tupperware of extra topping in my fridge, into which I stick my tongue occasionally. Speaking of things to stick your tongue into, this is topped with homemade whipped cream.

Ingredients:

Crust:

• 1 1/2 C Anna’s Ginger Thins crumbs (1 pack)
• 1 1/2 Tb sugar
• ¼ tsp salt
• 6 Tb unsalted butter, melted

Filling:

• 1 14-oz can condensed milk
• 1/3 C bottled key lime juice
• 3 large egg yolks
• 1 1/2 Tb sugar
• 3 Tb fresh lemon juice
• ¼ tsp salt

Panko Crumb Topping:

• 1/2 C panko crumbs
• 1/8 C sugar
• 2 Tb butter
• Zest of 1/2 lime

Whipped Cream:

• 1.5 cups chilled whipping cream
• 3 Tb powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Preparation:

For Crust:

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Mix crumbs, sugar, salt.
3. Add butter, stir. Press into 9 in. glass pie dish.
4. Bake 5 min. Cool.

For Filling:

1. Preheat oven to 275.
2. Whisk all filling ingredients in large bowl until smooth. Pour into cooled crust.
3. Bake 10 min until center is partly set.
4. Remove pie, turn temp up to 350.
5. Sprinkle crumb topping over pie.
6. Put back in oven and bake 25 more min.
7. Let it cool, then stick in the refrigerator overnight, or a few hours if you can’t wait.

For Whipped Cream:

With a mixer, beat all ingredients until it resembles whipped cream. Steal a few spoonfuls of it, then serve on pie.

Ninja training involves acts of self-deprivation

First, a disclaimer: I’m not a big PR score on any firm’s list. My traffic, though targeted, is too low in volume to be worth anyone’s real effort. Unless your product is a book about how to be a Jedi Ninja, my influence in anything is incremental, at best. So by pointing out that these two PR firms got a post out of me is more for case study value than to boast about how lucky these two firms were. Because, again, no one is going to buy a burger from this review. The ROI was zero. Calm your troll jets and read on.

I received an email the other day from the firm representing Wendy’s. They have this new “W” burger. I write about my life as a parent. Fast food has very little to do with my day to day life. I deleted the email. This is not a slam on the PR company at all. Their job is to pitch. Not all pitches hit their mark. It’s part of the game.

A few days later, I received a very interesting email about the name “Jim.” It was chock full of facts about the name Jim, and it was sent only to bloggers named Jim. My name happens to be Jim, so this made me feel researched. To a blogger, nothing makes you feel as warm and fuzzy as being researched. Turns out the pitch was about Red Robin’s new Jim Beam burger. Since I think bloggers have as much responsibility as PR firms for creating a pleasant PR/Blogger ecosystem, I felt it my responsibility to reward a well thought-out, creative, compelling, super-targeted pitch. I agreed to try the burger and post about it — *head in shame* for a gift card.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was also in the middle of my Paleo diet (aka Caveman Diet – where you only eat what cavemen could hunt and gather, e.g. meats and vegetables, and avoid products of agriculture, such as starches, sugar and dairy). Any excuse to break that diet in the name of science. Bring it!

A few days later, a follow-up email from the Wendy’s rep arrived in my inbox. Because I had just agreed to do a Red Robin review, I thought that it might be interesting to review both burgers in one post, thereby making it more like a burger round-up than a “look what I posted in exchange for a gift card” kind of post. I emailed her back and agreed to review the Wendy’s burger… *shielding body from barrage of a blogger beatdowns* for a gift card.

In conclusion, this post happened as a result of:

• Creative thinking (pitching Jims only)
• Luck (I was reviewing another burger anyway)
• Follow-up (I wouldn’t have remembered the first Wendy’s pitch, otherwise)
• Serendipity (I was severely bread-deprived)

And now after all this build up, my burger review is sure to be totally anti-climactic, but here it is anyway:

If your name is Jim, Jimmy or James, you get a free Sweet Jim Beam Bacon Swiss Burger on Tuesday, Dec. 6 at every Red Robin (for real!)

Brilliant promotion, isn’t it? Just so I could pimp this in good conscience, I had to try the burger first. I also made Fury try it, because he is a burger purist. He only eats burgers plain: with just the patty and the cheese, and no condiments or garnishes. If he liked it with all the accoutrements, that alone would make it post-worthy.

They also sent me a pretty rockin’ Jim Beam shirt. Disclosure, I wears it.BusyDad’s opinion: I was skeptical at first because I hate burgers with barbecue sauce on them. While the Jim Beam burger is merely glazed with a Jim Beam glaze, and not drowned in sauce, it was along the same spectrum in my mind. I was wrong! The glaze gives the burger a sweet undertone without taking center stage. I love caramelized onions and swiss, so that was pretty much as expected: highly palatable. The garlic butter grilled brioche was a nice touch. I really thought it was added at the last minute to enable Red Robin’s marketing copywriters to write something fancy in the description, but the crunch of the bun and the distinct garlic flavor that ensued really optimized my burger enjoying experience. In other words, I’d hit that again. Maybe on Dec. 6! Paleo be damned.

Fury’s opinion (transcribed word-for-word): I couldn’t really tell the difference of the bun, but the onions added a really good flavor to it. It added a tangy sweetness to it. The Jim Beam sauce was pretty good, and I liked the way they had the swiss cheese. It seemed like the right kind of cheese for the burger. I would add another patty to make it a double [even though the single was still too big for him to finish in one sitting. Gluttony runs in the family].

Wendy’s “W” Burger – kind of fun, for fast food

I actually enjoy fast food (I ate my first Big Mac at the age of 5). I know it’s not really a part of this nutritious breakfast, but neither is a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, so don’t be vilifying, yo. Last week, we went to lunch at Wendy’s so Fury and I could try the new “W” Burger. Lisa had no issue with it (Frostys. She loves the Frostys – it is not spelled Frosties because Frosty is a proper noun. I’m not stupid), as long as we could do the drive-thru because once the baby is in her car seat and peacefully chillin, you don’t rock the boat.

So I found that juicy doubleBusyDad’s opinion: the “W” is part of the “Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy Cheeseburgers” line. This burger is marketed as a low-cost, but hefty burger, with two 2.25 oz fresh (never frozen of course) patties, two slices of cheese and special sauce. At $2.99, it had to be pretty weak in order for me not to give this a thumbs up. So I give it a thumbs up. It actually reminds me a lot of the iconic SoCal king of fast food burgers, the In ‘n Out Double-Double. The sauce and construction are very similar. If you know burgers, to be even compared to a Double Double is an honor. So Wendy’s can be very proud of their newest creation.

Fury’s opinion (transcribed word-for-word): When you bite it, the sauce leads you in. I took out the tomatoes because I don’t really like them. I don’t like onions either, but I kept them in there, and it actually added kind of a tangy flavor, which I wasn’t expecting. I liked it more than the Jim Beam burger. And I liked how they made it a double [he finished this in one sitting].

“It’s really windy out right now and I’m scared. Our fence just blew over.”

“Oh, a piece of the fence flew off? I’ll check it out when I get home.”

“No. It blew over.”

“Oh. Well, don’t worry. It won’t get much worse than that.”

…

…

…

…

A dad’s job: reassurance, and occasionally talking out of our ass.

And it made me bad by extension. Little kids, like my daughter would pull on it. Didn’t pirates pull their beards before battle? Yeah, my daughter thought I was a pirate. My co-worker once asked me “Jim, are you growing something or are you too busy to shave?” That right, I’m too busy being a badass to shave. No one in my Muay Thai gym even noticed my facial hair. Why? Because they are ALL badasses and, you see, it just looked par for the course. When my coach finally did notice it, he straight-up said “that’s badass.” No ambiguity there.

However, the baddest thing my moustache ever did was join forces with 50+ other dads on the Movember Dad 2.0 team to raise over $12,000 to fight men’s cancer. It’s the fight in the follicles indeed. In fact, the collective follicles on my team made such a stir that Norelco decided to match our contribution and send us all electric razors to to mark the end of this epic month (my moustache told me to tell you all opinions on the video below are my own, because it was not only badass, it was also a legally compliant one).

Since the last day of Movember fell in the middle of a business trip to San Francisco, I got my razors Fed-Ex’d to the hotel. I wish I could have provided a more glorious venue for the ceremonial shaving of my courageous moustache, but sometimes when all you’ve got is a hotel sink, you make the best of it. You also make your business partner participate in your silly video. Again.

If seeing manly men shaving is your cup of tea, check out all of the Movember Dad 2.0 crew doing their thing on Norelco’s Stache-Tacular Shave-Off site.

Oh, by the way, there’s a nice $30 rebate on the SensoTouch 3D razor I used in the video here.

This year, I did something different: I incorporated them into the BusyDad curriculum of life skills. Today’s class: starting a business.

Lesson 1: Hammer out a supplier arrangement

Fury and I struck a deal. In exchange for providing him with high value product (the street value, i.e. price at Pavilions Supermarket, of a Fuyu Persimmon is $2.49 each), Fury would pay me a commission of 25% of gross sales.

Lesson 2: Philanthropy sells

I told Fury that I would donate my 25% cut to my Movember Team. This way, he could tell customers that part of the proceeds went to charity.

Lesson 3: Don’t put anything in permanent writing

Market sentiment and demand fluctuate constantly. Never commit fully to signage that cannot be adjusted accordingly. Dry erase boards are highly recommended.

Lesson 3.5: Slam your competitors a little bit

In case 4th grade penmanship isn’t your forte, the bottom reads: don’t buy smaller ones for $2.49 each at Pavilions.

Lesson 4: Put the product into your customers’ hands

Also, make sure there’s always plenty of beer around to keep your supplier happy and willing to cut up fruit samples for you.

Lesson 4: Lift with your legs, not your back

Or, always have your chiropractor on speed dial.

Lesson 5: Tend to your shop

Patience is a virtue, but your iPod touch kills boredom dead (as soon as it’s done recharging, which leads me to a bonus lesson: always keep your gadgets charged).

Lesson 6: Provide security

Those dogs will slobber the hell out of anyone who tries to jack Fury for his fruit.

Lesson 7: Woo high dollar customers

You know you’ve tapped the right market when your first customer rolls up in a pimped out Mercedes.

Lesson 8: Utilize partnerships to leverage resources

Your neighbor has a table, Sour Patch Kids and a box full of Pop Chips? Expand your storefront and diversify your product line!

Lesson 9: Don’t get high on your own supply

Your baby sister, however, gets the friends and family discount (turns out she loves persimmons).

Lesson 10: Take advantage of the holiday shopping rush to boost sales

This is one week after the first stand. You can’t really pass up the opportunity to have a Black Friday sale, and you might as well also sell your extra Lego set while you’re at it.

Lesson 11: Hire professionals, and barter services to help with cashflow

The sign above was created by a professional whiteboard artist. In return, Fury agreed to help that artist make one last push for Movember donations by making him look really badass. Fury actually had an app for that (and his iPod was fully charged).

Side note: Today is the FINAL day of Movember!! My team has raised more than $12,000 dollars for men’s cancer awareness, treatment and education. That is frikkin incredible!! Every dollar counts. If you’d like to donate to the cause, click to go to my Movember page.

Lesson 12: Money does grow on trees

You just have to exploit the right ones.