My baby hasn’t been my baby for a while.

This weekend our firstborn child, Haley, turns 10 years old.

I’ve been arguing with the calendar for months, taking turns with Cindy as we point our fingers to the sky and curse the impossibility. But the months continue to smear our logic with their mocking smiles.

We can argue all we like, but we will never return our faded years. Cindy is cursed with being married to a man who will reflect on moments gone by in excruciating detail, while I am married to a woman who mourns their passing.

Together, we promise to make this birthday wonderfully unforgettable.

Maybe it’s arbitrary, her years moving from one digit to two, but it seems significant to me, and a telltale sign that a wedge of our future that was once so far away is now moving in for good.

When I was younger, the hallmarks of my possible future hung like portraits along the walls in my mind: finishing high school, buying my first business, getting married, having children. Back then, my future was about me, which is where it stayed until I became a man.

I wasn’t a man the day I turned 18, despite what the law insisted. Nor was I a man when I quit high school or bought my first business. I became a man the day I looked at my life’s horizon knowing it would be empty without Cindy beside me.

Then, my future was about us.

My goals were still important, but there was another side to the prism, casting my wants in a clearer light. And that’s where it stayed until I became a father.

Haley changed my life in a second, not the day she was born, but rather eight months earlier when the blue line that didn’t lie reminded me life could be planned but even a perfectly blueprinted house will fall if the sand is soft beneath it.

My future is still about us, all of us. Me and Cindy, Haley and Ethan.

A future that started 10 years ago, 10 years and 9 months if you count the incubation.

Now I’m thinking about their finishing high school, their first businesses, their getting married, and eventually making me a grandfather. Maybe it’s odd for me to be thinking about becoming a grandfather while still knee deep in my mid-30s, but it’s the way my brain works and why I write about time and cycles of death as often as I do.

I cannot help but acknowledge the passing of time, and the week when our daughter turns 10 is the perfect time to take a step back and see it with the awe it deserves.

Yesterday my baby was a tiny peanut. We brought Haley home from the hospital and those first six months flew by. Back then, everyone we met said a different version of the same exact thing: She’s just SO alert!

And she is.

Haley is and always has been an old soul. She is far older than her 10 years, which is one of the things that makes her such an absolute joy to be around, and sometimes difficult to parent. Like her father, Haley has a fierce command of language. And like her mother, a fierce command of her will.

Haley’s first two years were “batteries included.” She was filled with personality –  smart, funny, creative, and over flowing with life. Remarkably observant and the only child in the house, she was relatively easy to parent. By the time she was three, Cindy and I were desperately in need of her batteries. She learned the words NO! and turned into the swirling tempest and creative tornado she is today. 

I look at Haley dumbfounded by the breathing proof of all that has happened to our family in the last decade. I had a partnership before her, but Haley turned me and Cindy into a family and laid the bricks for her baby brother to crawl down 2 1/2 years later.

I am beyond lucky to have such an amazing, articulate, wonderful daughter. And I am proud of everything I have given as her father. I have no regrets, and feel fortunate for the time we’ve had together as a family. Yet as she turns 10 I’ve never been more aware of the passing of time.

It was easier a few years ago. Cindy and I had our preschool and a lot of time with our children. But then Haley went to kindergarten and I became a writer, my new profession quickly swallowed hours without chewing as I did everything I could to keep us afloat.

Time is flying and I am flying by time. I must go faster for a little longer so I can afford to slow down. But I must go faster with the full realization that no matter how much my hard work now will help me afford everything I want from life, I cannot afford to lose appreciation for all I have right now.

Haley’s 10th birthday is a beautiful, and perhaps needed, reminder of what I want from this world and for my family, and what I must do to ensure it happens.

The next eight years will fly by as fast as these have, probably faster. I don’t want to lose them like raindrops drying on the ground. My daughter stands at the lip of innocence, still loving the things that children love. I love that she watches Phineas and Ferb, and that she is trying on new behaviors like they were dresses off a rack. I love that our last Christmas passed with her hanging onto her belief in Santa, even if it was only spiderweb thin.

This year we will lose many of those things, and next year even more.

I don’t yet wish to ponder the year after that.

My baby is turning 10, and it won’t be much longer that I’ll be able to cuddle her like I do and tickle her with abandon, and it won’t be much longer before she stops wanting me to.

Now we curl on the couch and I hold her close, and while I know there will always be some version of this perfect comfort between us, it won’t stay the same for too much longer.

While it’s easy to look at this 10 year anniversary of becoming a dad with slight sorrow at a decade gone, I’d rather stare in the eyes of all that is good and acknowledge how lucky I am to have a daughter like Haley, even if I cry as I write this.

As a father, I could never hope for more.

Haley, I love you way past the moon and all the way to the furthest star. You’re my baby girl and you made me a daddy. If possible, you made me love your mommy even more. You are turning into the most beautiful, articulate, creative, compassionate, wonderful person I could ever imagine. We will spend the next 8 years getting to know each other better, and follow it with another lifetime after that.

A very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. You are everything a father could hope for from a daughter, and a galaxy beyond. Thank you for making me Daddy, and starting off the past 10 years of my life. 

I can’t wait for the next 10.

xoxo

222. There’s no place like home. Make sure this statement is true for her.

“Many a man wishes he were strong enough to tear a telephone book in half – especially if he has a teenage daughter.”

 - Guy Lombardo

221. Bath time can, at times, be a challenge. Find ways to make it fun for her.

(photo: jwlphotography)

I think you’ll agree that computers are now a part of just about every family’s lifestyle (not to mention our business lives…). It has been fascinating to watch the rapid evolution of computers over the years.  Remember the first computer you bought for your home?  Chances are it was a huge desktop PC with a large CPU, and awkwardly heavy CRT display.  Today that early PC is a digital dinosaur, and, arguably, the idea of a big CPU for a “desktop” PC is perhaps on its way to extinction as well.

Lap It Up…

When laptop PC’s first hit the market we were enamored by their portability, but we wanted them to have the same power and capabilities as our workhorse desktops… and soon they were just as fast and capable, with powerful, yet power friendly microprocessors, great graphic and media capabilities, sharp, wide screens, and hard drives with the same capacity as their desk-trodden counterparts.  Indeed the laptop could be a primary PC, but you might not want to carry it with you everywhere (if you value your shoulder).  For many, that big, bulky (but capable) laptop became our main PC, spending more time on our desks than our laps.

Casting (out) the Net(book)

Recognizing the consumer’s desire for “smaller and lighter,” notebooks evolved from the laptop, and then the netbook evolved from the notebook pc.  Small, light and inexpensive, the netbook was one step forward in portability, but two steps backward in power and function.  The shrunken keyboards could be a challenge, along with the small screens and general lack of “oomph” when it comes to speed and pure processing prowess.  A netbook has its place in a pinch, but it is unlikely to ever become a “main” computer.

Enter The Ultrabook!

The desire for small, light, powerful and portable is now being addressed by the many Ultrabooks hitting the market, driven by an Intel reference design.  As I mentioned in an earlier post in which I unboxed the Asus Zenbook UX31E, Ultrabooks are thin, sleek and light.  Most weigh less than 3 pounds, and the Asus Zenbook that Intel sent me is 9mm thick in the back, sloping down to 3mm in the front.  It is an eye-catching brushed aluminum package… and with “instant on” and solid battery life it is a computer you truly can (and will want to) take with you everywhere.  It is a full featured portable computer that fits into any lifestyle and a laptop that is just as comfortable on your lap on the couch as it is on your desk.  The Asus Zenbook is an impressive example of the Ultrabook category and at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show (CES) there are expected to be some exciting Ultrabook announcements from a number of manufacturers. (Stay tuned – I’ll be at CES and look forward to telling you more about the Ultrabooks, gadgets and other geek goodies on display in Las Vegas).

The Ultrabook Dads Geek Out On Video

When Intel sent @HighTechDad and I the Asus Zenbooks to review, we wanted to do something a little different.  Any reviewer can tell you the specs of a device.  We wanted to have some fun and give you a good perspective on the Asus Ultrabook at the same time. While we each made our own video, they are actually closely tied together and I hope you’ll take the time to watch them both for the full UltrabookDads treatment.  And please, let us know what you think!

Can’t see the video? Click this link: http://youtu.be/GqM3l3n-B3I

And here is the companion video from @HighTechDad:

Can’t see the video? Click this link: http://youtu.be/AhP6XdglaVs

Michael and I have enjoyed using and talking about the Ultrabook and having the chance to be “UltrabookDads.”  We held a Google Hangout and a fun live Twitter Chat, and one lucky Twittizen, @BadMofo33, was the random winner of an Ultrabook Intel provided as a giveaway.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this inside look inside Ultrabooks, sponsored by Intel.  Which Ultrabook features are most appealing to you?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads  and Wunderkind! podcasts.

Disclosure:  In accordance with the FTC Guidelines and WOMMA Code of Ethics, I am disclosing that I have a material connection because I received a gift or sample of a product for consideration and/or am being otherwise compensated by Intel in preparing to create this content. I was/am not expected to return this item or gift after my review period. My opinions about Intel, Asus, and Ultrabooks are entirely my own and not those of Intel, Asus or any other party.

220. Protect her childhood. It’s the only one she’s got.

(photo: Lorna J Stewart)

“Girls are complicated. The instruction manual that comes with girls is 800 pages, with chapters 14, 19, 26 and 32 missing, and it’s badly translated, hard to figure out.”

- Hugh Laurie

(photo: unknown until you tell me)

Don’t we as parents dream of having a family that is always close?  The kind of close that makes the millions of miles that may separate us insignificant?

It’s the family we all want to be.  When the kids are all grown up and out of the house, we want get togethers to be spontaneous and fun.  We want our children to laugh together around the dinner table while we can hear the grandkids being silly in the other room.  We want conversations that last into the night about faith and love and what this life is all about.  Don’t we all long for this kind of closeness.  Some search for it all their lives.  It is our hearts greatest desire.  It could also be our biggest regret, when time passes and the family we have become does not reflect the family we have always imagined.

The question I have been asking myself lately is how do we get there from here?  What does it take to become who I want to be?  What will it take to have a closeness with my children years from now?

This time of year is full of all kinds of advice and how to’s and goal setting.  Even the definition of a resolution hints that it is only a good intention.  But good intentions are not enough.

How did I get to where I am today?  What has made me the person I already am?  The past shapes the present.  I can’t expect things to be different suddenly now if that isn’t the way it has always been.

But surely I’m not just a piece of driftwood thrown about by an angry ocean.  Surely I must have some control over how my future turns out.  The decisions I have made have brought me to where I am now, so I must make the right decisions over time to become the person I want to be.

“What gets to inform the decisions you make today?”

I believe that what we value, not what we say we value, but what we truly value is what informs our decisions on a daily basis.  Moment by moment.  Consciously or not.  The snap judgements, actions, attitudes we have are all shaped by what our hearts value.

So I have been thinking a lot lately about what kind of family I want to have, and what things I should value that will help us become that kind of family.  I have a list of five values so far.

What it means to be a insert last name here:

Honesty

Forgiveness

Generosity

Kindness

Honesty to me means having integrity.  It means speaking words that are true.  It means being open about who we really are with each other.  As Jason Locy and Tim Willard put it, it’s saying the ‘unsaid’ to each other.

Then, if we are to be honest with each other, it is important that the we are quick to forgive.  To forgive even when we’ve been hurt.  To work at forgiving even when it is hard.

Generosity is doing what’s best for someone else.  Being giving of your self, of your time, of your resources.  Looking for needs that you can meet, and then giving what you can to meet them.  Putting your wants after others’ needs and not expecting anything in return.

Kindness speaks to the gentle attitude we should have toward each other. Being patient, polite and courteous.  Treating others with respect.

It’s a list in progress.  Obviously there are dozens of great virtues I want to instill in my kids.  But I want to keep this list as short as possible so that it is easy to remember and focus on.  I’ll probably add some as time goes on and the relationships we have with each other grow and develop.  I look forward to the day when one of my kids might come to me with a suggestion for another virtue they would like to add to our list of family values.  And if these values are on my mind every day, I hope my decisions will be shaped by them.  And that we will become the family I’ve always wanted.

What values do you hold dear?  Do you have a list for your family?  What would you add/delete from this list?  I’d love to hear your suggestions.

218. Be patient with her. In doing so, you will teach her that she’s worth waiting for.

(photo: Andrew Kuo)

217. Don’t simply tell her how to live. Live, and let her watch you do it.