DadTrends » Family

Family Bonding Moment at Quezon City Circle

Marco Polo Demo — Mon, 21 May 2012 01:38:00 +0000

After Gelo was born there are things that we have not done as a whole family and that’s because of his condition. We couldn’t just bring him to a place that we don’t know his too sensitive.

Pre-term babies are really sensitive and are delicate. Family outings and travel should always be thought thoroughly. Parents should have enough preparation to avoid any possible negative things to

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Dr. Jim Taylor ( @DrJimTaylor ) #dadchat

dadofdivas — Sun, 20 May 2012 12:00:45 +0000

Our 232nd Dad in the Limelight is author Dr. Jim Taylor. I want to thank Jim for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I hold a Ph.D. in Psychology, am the author of 14 books, and write and speak extensively on the topics of business, parenting, sports, popular culture, education, and technology.

2) Tell me about your family

I have been married to my wife Sarah for almost 9 years and have two daughters, Catie (almost 7) and Gracie (almost 5). We live north of San Francisco.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Like most fathers, balancing time between work and family. I am fortunate because, though I travel quite frequently, I work out of my home office, so I see my wife and children many times each day and share most meals with them. Plus, because I work for myself, I have the independence to take time off to be with them when I want.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Be actively involved in your children’s lives. Yes, work when you need to, but don’t use it as an excuse to avoid doing your job as a father. Also, give your wife time off for her sanity and to get a real feel for what it’s like to be a full-time parent.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

As the author of four parenting books and a frequent blogger on family issues, I am informed about important issues from being a parent. I also write and speak about my children as examples. So, to a small degree, they are in the limelight too. I also share with my children, my experiences in the limelight, for example, books I have written and interviews I give. At the same time, I don’t allow my children to be directly in the limelight.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Everyone is human and we all struggle with the same issues. All fathers (and mothers) seem like Parents of the Year outside their homes, but, behind closed doors, all parents feel frustrated, exhausted, and helpless with some regularity. That’s just part of being a parent.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

It is incredibly hard, but, because you can’t return your children, you just have to deal. Fatherhood brings out the best and worst in you and, hopefully, it helps you grow as a person.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Being at the births of both of my daughters (I was the first person to touch Catie when she came out!). Also, I competed internationally as a ski racer in my youth and have a great passion for skiing, and there nothing that gives me more joy than skiing with my wife and kids.

If you have any questions for Jim, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

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Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Torkona Exon ( @Torkona3 ) #dadchat

dadofdivas — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:00:20 +0000

Our 231st Dad in the Limelight is Torkona Exon. I want to thank Torkona for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am a rare beast in Australia, I own a Dad blog. There really are only a handful of us. I am a working dad, bringing in the bucks in the day and playing with my son at night. With my blog, I throw in a few things about gaming, jokes, gift ideas for dads, my strange views, that’s me in a nutshell.. (no this is me in a nutshell: Argh! I’m in a nutshell!).

Oh yes, and I say strange things that usually only I find funny!

2) Tell me about your family

My family consists of 4. My wife, myself, my 1 year old boy and my smelly dog that licks things and is well overdue for leaving the house and getting a job.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

When my child stopped breathing on me. It is easily the most dreadful moment any parent could ever conceive. The days/weeks afterwards of tests and overnight hospital stays to why he had trouble breathing is included in this challenge. How I got through it I will always have trouble explaining, but the one thing I now have is a growing baby that now breathes normally like any other. He was found to have a condition that he simply grew out of.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

If you are away in the day, always be the one to put your children to sleep. It’s a time you’ll always cherish throughout the years, even during the screams.

Well, to me, Parenthood and outside life are the same thing. There is no difference. I am the same parent behind closed doors and in front of them. Sure my wife and I might organize a baby sitter whilst we have a few drinks with friends or have a dinner date, but I’d never separate myself from being a parent now to what life used to be like before being one.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Wow, this is a great question. I honestly don’t know if I have learned anything. That sounds bad, but the time spent with other dads we’re mainly whining about how annoying our wives are or talking about that local sporting team we support. Wow, that’s even worse hehehe. I’m not saying I know everything or that no other fathers could ever teach me anything. I guess it’s just being wrapped up in my own kid to notice other fathers raising their children different to mine. Probably once my boy is older, as he is still very young, I would suggest my learning from other fathers would increase dramatically. It’s a good point and something I think I should improve upon.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

What this father that works during the day waits for is that massive smile on their kid’s face when he returns home from work. I know this is probably obvious, but nothing gets me down when I see my boy smile. After having the worst day possible, my kid will make me wonder “why worry?” as soon as I step through that front door.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

The moment my boy was born. I remember looking down on him only a few minutes old and even though he couldn’t speak a word, my boy looked back up at me and mouthed the words “wow”. I’ll never forget it. Wow yourself little champ
If you have any questions for Torkona, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

Autopilot parenting

graham scharf — Wed, 16 May 2012 02:07:09 +0000

Recently I was driving a route that I normally take when driving home, although I was going somewhere else. At the intersection that takes me to my home, I instinctively turned left rather than continuing straight ahead to my intended destination. My eldest daughter pointed out my mistake, and I responded, “I was on autopilot.”

In fact, most of the things that I do daily I do on autopilot. When I brush my teeth, wash the dishes, and bring my fork to my mouth, I don’t actively think about those actions. I’m on autopilot. Of course, the reason that I can do those things without thinking about them is because I’ve consciously repeated them. My conscious mind has trained my unconscious mind.

That is a wonderfully good thing. It means that I can have meaningful conversation at dinner because I don’t have to focus on chewing and swallowing. It means that I can talk with friends while hiking because I don’t have to focus all of my attention on how to put one foot in front of the other and maintain balance.

With respect to parenting, our autopilot responses are particularly important. The repeated practices that we cultivate – consciously or unconsciously – shape the way that we respond “on autopilot.” Consider just a few of these practices:

Active Listening. The practice of deliberately giving our children eye contact, confirming that we have understood what they are saying, and asking good questions all form habits. When we don’t have the time or “mental space” to think about how to listen, we default (whether we want to or not) to autopilot listening skills that we have practiced.
Conflict Resolution. Children have plenty of conflict – with us, and with one another. In many of those instances there are not outside pressures (like being first in line at the grocery store, or being already late for school). In those instances, we can patiently teach wise conflict resolution: identify the interests of all involved, name any wrong done, and brainstorm creative solutions that address any wrong done and satisfy as many interests as possible. Cultivating these skills of conflict resolution help us – and our children – to have good autopilot skills in the heat of the moment.

All of us operate on autopilot in life and in parenting. The pressing question is: What habits, skills and practices do you deliberately cultivate so that you can instinctively respond well to your kids?

Graham Scharf the father of two, co-founder of Tumblon.com and author of The Apprenticeship of Being Human: Why Early Childhood Parenting Matters to Everyone (which is now available for free!). You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

This Doesn’t Happen Often

suburbandaddy — Sun, 13 May 2012 22:51:35 +0000

Mother’s Day 2012. I’m always amazed when we get a picture with all 4 looking at the camera.

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Jared Miller ( @WingDaddyHood ) #dadchat

dadofdivas — Sun, 13 May 2012 12:00:26 +0000

Our 230th Dad in the Limelight is blogger, Jared Miller. I want to thank Jared for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am a 26 year old husband and father of one. I work as an account executive for a marketing communications firm out of OKC. I am an amateur photographer, TV show enthusiast and founder of WingingDaddyHood.Blogspot.com.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. Our goals in our marriage is to focus on each other’s happiness and to always put each other first, even over our kids. We were high school sweethearts and are determined to make our marriage work.

We have an 11 month old son, Paxton. He’s pretty much the coolest thing ever.

awhata3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Patience. It’s always something I’ve struggled with, but as a parent you have to master it quickly. The baby is crying, not going to sleep, or he’s slapping the food out of your hands while you’re trying to feed him. It can be very frustrating, but you have to be patient.
This is still a hard principle for me. I think I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. It sounds silly, but I just constantly remind myself, at those particular moments, that he’s just a baby. He doesn’t know better. If I can take the time to remind myself of that then I can usually put my patient pants on.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

The whole point behind my daddy blog is to express my experience and observations. Each kid is different and each life stage brings different challenges. There are some great books and resources to help you prepare for these challenges, but you soon find out that nothing can fully prepare you. Just accept that there will be situations where you don’t know what to do. You’re concerned because you are making decisions about what to in those unpredictable situations and don’t feel qualified. Just remember that we are wired to be parents. Trust your instincts and educate yourself with some of the material that’s out there and you’ll be fine.

5. Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

I’m not in the limelight per se, but I work in a fast pace field that can be very stressful at times. I have to disconnect when I’m at home. I stay away from work email, make it a point to not bring work home and make sure that I am focusing on my family when I’m at home.
May commute is usually about 25 minutes. I use that time to turn the radio off and separate myself from the office. I slow down and start visualizing what I’m going to do when I get home. I come home focused on my wife and son and not on work. Some days are harder to do this than others. However, I make the effort everyday. Luckily, I have a wife who supports me on the days that are harder.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve learned to become more aware of my role as a dad. That I can admit fault, be emotionally vulnerable, connected, interactive and nurturing to my family and not feel emasculated by doing so. I have learned that the mom’s role and dad’s role are less defined. The focus is more on being a parent. I can be a good caregiver to my son (even though my wife beats me out on a daily basis).

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Not only am I trying to be aware as a father, but I’m trying to focus on being aware as a husband. Having a kid takes lot of work (I should rephrase). Raising a kid takes a lot of work. From mom AND dad. It puts a strain on a marriage. If you don’t recognize that and do your part then you are putting your marriage in jeopardy. Never make yourself a victim. If you’re a victim then you’re assigning blame. This is very easy to do. When plant a seed in your head that you do more work and that you need a break to, then you are making someone out to be a bad guy (usually your spouse.) Refrain from doing that. It’s not healthy. Be aware that your spouse is also making sacrifices and working hard. If you focus on working hard (physically and emotionally) for your family and your significant other does the same, then you will have a much easier time and will be much happier.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Number 1 is when “da da” came barreling out of his mouth. Not the first time he said it in general, but the first time he said it when I walked in the room. When he associated that with me- my heart melted.
Other than that? I love watching him interact with my wife. The connection they share is an amazing thing to witness.
If you have any questions for Jared, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

To My Wife

@AnOrdinaryDad — Sun, 13 May 2012 10:00:02 +0000

Erica, this past year I have been in awe at the kind of mother you are to our kids…

Where did that tissue come from? We are in the middle of the park? Mom. That’s where.

You throw the best dance parties

You deal with this attitude constantly when it comes to her hair

Yet, despite her resistance…you always make her look good!

From shorts to pants in one “easy” zip. You also tie shoes on request…Is his nose running, AGAIN?!?

Never one to pass up a Photo Op!

You know when to say, “Yes”

: But you also know when to say, “No!”

You deal graciously with life’s little messes!

And big messes, too…Yes you do it all!

You are the director of fun!

But you’re not afraid to take a back seat and let other’s take the lead

You keep the kids on their toes

But it’s not all fun and games. When the time is right, you are also a great teacher

And a moral compass. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?”

You encourage our kids to develop their talents. And teach them along the way

Their safety is always number one on your mind [Candy Tester is a very important job]

You can spot a cold boy from a mile away

You handle all the urgent requests

You make every day fun

Yep, even laundry, too!

You comfort the sick

And you are an advocate for those who are less fortunate

You inspire

You give strength

You’re not afraid to put yourself out there

It can be hard to let them go

But I know who they’ll always look up to

{How do I know? Because you are everyone’s first choice on the Merry go Round}

I’m glad we’re in this together

They couldn’t ask for a better mom. You’re the best.

So before you leave this post… {Oh the things we do for our children!}

I just want you to know that I truly appreciate all that you do and I love you! Happy Wife (who is a mother to our children)’s Day!

Dads in the Limelight ( #limelightdads ) – Jason Ross ( @ordinaryparent ) #dadchat

dadofdivas — Thu, 10 May 2012 12:00:08 +0000

Our 229th Dad in the Limelight is Ordinary Parent Blogger Jason Ross. I want to thank Jason for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My Name is Jason Ross and I became a first-time father in 2011 when my wife and I welcomed our daughter Abby to the world. I’ve been dating my wonderful wife Lauren for 11 years and married for almost 5 of those years.

Why am I in the limelight? I decided to start blogging on ordinaryparent.com as a creative outlet for all the adventures parenting has brought to my life. Balancing running the blog along with my full-time job and full-time parenting is a new and fun challenge I look forward to continuing for a long time to come.

2) Tell me about your family

I’m 28 years old, and my daughter is turning 1 in March. I’ve been married for almost 5 years to an amazing woman and mother. I look forward to welcoming more children in the future, but I’m thoroughly enjoying time with my only daughter right now.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The biggest challenge for me would have to be knowing what to do in different situations. It is amazing how a parent can’t differentiate between different cries and pouts, but knowing how to help my daughter isn’t always easy. I’m very lucky to have a wife who is a great mother and is constantly researching about the next phase of our daughter’s life and how to handle the various situations that come up. I don’t want to say that I’d be totally lost without her knowledge, but I certainly wouldn’t be doing as good of a job without her.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

The main piece of advice I would offer to other fathers is to just get involved. Get involved with the diapers, the dishes, the comforting, the learning…really anything that you can think of. As the father of a young daughter I’m happy to have alone time with her to figure things out on my own, and elated when I see her learning new things. But that elation is only possible when I’m involved enough to know what she’s doing for the first time and see how much she is growing.

It’s been a surprisingly easy transition from married-life into married-with-children life. My wife and I are fortunate to have several other friends who have had children recently, and that certainly helped the transition. We continue to hang out with friends and go out to dinner regularly, and still manage to go out on our own form time to time. When I want to go play a round of golf, my wife will stay with Abby. And when my wife want to go hang out with some old friends, I have daddy-daughter time. Working together with my wife and our family, we are able to be full-time parents in addition to our jobs and hobbies.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

One of the things I learned from other fathers is to try to take it all in. Everyone always says “they grow up so fast,” but seeing it first hand and being able to share in this parenting journey with my dad, father-in-law, and granddad is incredibly rewarding. I get to hear about not only my childhood a little more, but about the childhood of my parents other relatives. I hear about their memories of early parenthood and it helps me to appreciate my own experiences even more.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

The first couple months were the biggest adjustment I think I had to make. After that, I think you really start to pick up on things and know how to handle different situations. It’s true that you will be able to distinguish between the various cries of your child, and little things like that can’t be read in a book or on a blog. It has been an incredibly rewarding experience so far, and I look forward to being just as involved, if not more involved, than I’ve already been.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

The thing I remember the most is the joy on the faces of family and friends as they met our daughter for the first time. My family had only boys in the family for 50+ years, and a daughter/granddaughter/great-granddaughter/niece was not only a welcome change, but a wonderful blessing. Being able to share her pictures as she grows and seeing her interact with her grandparents and great-grandparents always brings a smile to my face (and a camera to my hands).

If you have any questions for Jason, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!

The Because I Said So Challenge

Daddy Clay — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:56:56 +0000

It’s the force majeure of the parenting vocabulary — a statement that asserts complete authority and brings the gavel down on further debate.

Because I said so.

But have you ever considered your relationship to “because I said so?”

Is it a trusty club in your golf bag that you know you can always hit straight?

Or is it an ugly driver’s license photo, something embarrassing that you are forced to produce regularly in public?

Is it a tactic that would be upheld by the Supreme Court, or endorsed by the CIA?

Does “because I said so” plant your standard proudly snapping in the breeze atop the high ground, or does send up a ragged white flag of defeat?

Could you go a whole year without “because I said so?” A whole childhood? Should you?

I am contemplating the place “because I said so” has in my life because I have a tween who loves soccer. And a sister is who is getting married.

“She’s already married,” my soccer player correctly points out.

“True, but that was a small private ceremony, and this party is for all the friends.”

“But Aunty lives in California. Why is the party in Dallas?”

“It’s for Grandma and Grandpa’s friends, too.”

“They live in Marble Falls.”

I can feel “because I said so” welling up inside me.

“Can I sleep over at a teammate’s house? They invited me.”

“No.”

“Why?”

The moment of truth. A teachable moment, no less. One in which we could talk about the meaning of family — the joys and also the obligations that come with it. The place of sacrifice. And why even The Big Tournament is sometimes less important that a cocktail buffet 200 miles away, populated by people you’ve never met.

Or I could just go with Old Faithful and save myself a lot of verbiage.

*****

After about an hour at the reception, it becomes clear to my soccer player that there will be no DJ, jugglers, foam pit or fog machines. Genuine puzzlement ensues.

“Is this really what adults do for fun?”

“Yes.”

“Hunh. Well, can I at least have another piece of cake?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

This post brought to you by Motorola Razr

My soccer player was feeling a little less grumpy about her road trip to Dallas when I handed her the Razr that Motorola sent us to try out. My iPhone went untouched as the kids were drawn to the Razr’s big, crisp screen and intuitive interface.

And we’re giving one away on the live show, this Wednesday at 3pm ET — so tune in!

My Greatest Day as a Dad (So Far)

Jason of Kim & Jason — Tue, 08 May 2012 11:00:52 +0000

My greatest day as a dad recently eclipsed my previous greatest day as a dad.

The first one was about a month ago. I was wearing a Stormtrooper t-shirt I had gotten for Christmas. My daughter Lucy was sitting across from me at the table, and said, “I like your shirt, Dad.”

I thanked her, thinking she liked the artsy design and bright colors.

Then she asked, “That’s from Star Wars, isn’t it?”

My ears perked up, because I hadn’t talked that much to her about my favorite movies in the history of the universe. Yet.

“Why yes, it is,” I responded.

The thing she said next solidified that day as my greatest as a Dad.

“I can’t wait to watch that movie. Can you tell me about it?”

She immediately had my undivided attention and I spent the next ten minutes regaling her with stories about a princess (the perfect in!), a bad guy named Darth Vader, and a hero who just so happened to have the same name as her brother (Ben).

Up until that point, I’d had an ongoing internal debate about the proper time to introduce my firstborn to Star Wars. Of course I’d start at Episode 4, but my sense was that I’d probably have to wait until she was four or five. But this unexpected early interest changed everything.

My wife Kim suggested we start her off on some Star Wars children’s books, and wouldn’t you know it, the Easter Bunny just so happened to include a few used ones that he’d found online in her Easter basket. Lucy took to them like a Jawa to a junkyard. She even seemed to understand the overarching plot line, which is not always easy to follow. (Try explaining a “tractor beam” to a three-year-old sometime).

Then came the moment of truth. Kim thought she might be ready for the movie, and I agreed. Last weekend, after dinner, we all switched into our pajamas in settled into the living room for the first installment of Star Wars. (We divided the viewing into two nights.) I tried my best to keep Lucy abreast on what was happening, but she was already with me. Kim humorously observed that I was (allegedly) so enthralled with the movie myself that I didn’t even notice a few questions Lucy was asking me.

Lucy was hooked. In the days that have followed, she’s been playing Star Wars non-stop, running around looking for Ben and muttering about “using the Force.” She’s transformed into Luke Skywalker, Kim is Princess Leia, I am Han Solo (huzzah!) and her little brother morphs between R2-D2 and Chewie.

It was official. The day we watched Star Wars together for the first time became my new greatest day as a Dad.

And today may eclipse even that.

For today, my friend, is Star Wars Day (May the 4th be with you!). And this evening, I will be surprising Lucy by pulling out some of my old Star Wars toys for her to play with.

I predict that her mind will be blown.

And that I may have a new greatest day as a Dad.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason