Teens playing tabletop RPGs at the Game Loft in Belfast, Maine, a teen center that uses D&D and other games to teach leadership, social skills and community service. (photo: Ethan Gilsdorf)

A teen center called The Game Loft that teaches Dungeons & Dragons as a path towards leadership, socialization and community service needs the help of the geek community.

In tiny Belfast, Maine, you’ll find this unique after-school program for middle and high school kids in the attic of a game shop called All About Games. Here, miracles happen. Shy kids learn how to solve problems, find friends, and fellowship. They play games, get a free meal, and have fun.

I’ve visited the center and have written about it. I can attest The Game Loft is a wonderful place, run by two tireless, dedicated leaders, Ray and Patricia Estabrook.

The participants think so, too.

“Role-play groups help you have new experiences and connect with people in your group in a way that would not be possible otherwise,” says Dakota Wing, a high school junior who has attended the program for four years. “You share things, you experience new things, and you develop intense friendships in a role-play group.”

“We have a large percentage of kids who are struggling either with behavior or academics at school,” says co-founder Patricia Estabrook, who with her husband Ray (both lifelong gamers) realized their store had become an ad hoc gathering place for youths who wanted to learn and play games, and opened their community center in the 1998 in their game shop’s attic. The innovative hangout is the only gaming-focused youth center in the country.

“We mostly serve youth who do not participate in other after-school or community activities,” says Ms. Estabrook.  Most are boys and primarily low-income. The Game Loft programs are free to all.

But The Game Loft is in financial trouble.

In 2009 it was bought by Spurwink Services, the largest social service program in Maine. At that time its budget was $100,000 and it served some 80 kids. Over the past two years, Spurwink helped fund an expansion that included more experienced staff, more staff training, and an increased membership to 160-plus members, not counting drop-ins. The Game Loft even launched a satellite program in nearby Unity, Maine, serving 20 kids per week.

Co-founder Ray Estabrook, left, with teens and staff at The Game Loft, planning their next gaming session. (Photo: Ethan Gilsdorf)

Then, this November, Spurwink got hit with funding cuts. The result: The Game Loft had to trim $35,000 from its budget. Now it’s down to operating on $95,000, which meant laying off one full-time employee, drastically reducing all the other three staff members’ hours, and cutting how many days they’re open. Even Patricia Estabrook is down to 20 hours per week.

“I know that in Maine it’s hard to look at things like ‘gaming program for kids’ versus ‘heat assistance and basic needs,’” said Monique Bouchard, co-founder of SnowCon, a northern Maine gaming convention (coming up Jan 13-15). ”But I think that a program like this makes the youth it serves better prepared for life — and likely less likely to need assistance down the road. That’s kind of a leap maybe, but I believe in the power of inspiration.”

Ms. Bouchard asks the geek and gamer community help publicize the program and its urgent need for assistance. Any help, she says, would be “a life-saver.”

She adds: “It serves a very low-income community and is not only, in my view, a dream-maker and hope-creator that teaches real life skills through gaming — diplomacy, cleverness, wisdom, math — but for many kids, [it's] a safe place to go and a hot meal as well.”

Clearly, sitting around a table munching snacks is about more than just fun. In my case, as a troubled teen, D&D saved me. I was able to absorb myself in an engrossing activity, and finally find a group of friends who “got” me.

Just ask Stephen Colby, another high school junior and Game Loft regular: “I have discovered things about myself. I volunteer. I know that my work makes a difference in the community. I have experienced new things that I would never have known existed  … What we do is fun but it helps you learn.”

“Unlike other places where there is a division between adults and youth, at The Game Loft we are respected and genuinely liked by adults,” says Dakota Wing. “We share games and activities and they expect us to rise to their level.”

“The conversations at The Loft are intense and in-depth,” adds Stephen. “You can trust people there. You know that both the staff and the other members are there for you. They are all my friends and they all support me.”

Here’s how to help:

• Make checks payable to: Spurwink Services, 899 Riverside Street, Portland, ME 04103.  Donors are welcome to request that the funds be used for the general benefit of The Game Loft.

• Contributions can be made online through Network for Good www.networkforgood.org

• For more information about the program visit the website www.thegameloft.org

Spelling ROHL on the dunes

Over Christmas break my brother, his wife, and their two-year old were up from Arizona for some holiday time in the NorthWest. When ever we get folks in from out-of-town we get to head out to all sight-seeing spots and remember why we love our region. The day after Christmas we headed out to the coast to get some time on the beach despite the 30 degree temps and heavy mist.

Most of our group had lunch in the car as we parked by the sea, while my brother and I climbed the cliff above the shore and listened to the thunder cracks of waves breaking about 200 yards out in the ocean. We walked around Seaside, where we lived before moving to California when I was 12, and spent too much money at the arcade. My dad, Brother, and I had a couple shoot outs at the basketball game and we all collected tickets playing skeet ball with the little boys. Turning in tickets for candy we took a ride on the carousel before heading to the long stretch of beach where you can drive your car.

Primo got behind the wheel and ping ponged us from shore to dunes always threatening to get us stuck in one or the other. We stopped and ran around like crazy people and generally had a silly time acting like kids. After a couple of pictures we loaded everyone back up in the car sans wet clothes and trekked the hour drive back to my parents house. It was a great time at the coast and quiet car ride home as sleepy folks cozied up to each other and napped solidly. While the surroundings were lovely it was really the people who made the trip so great. We all forgot about the cold wet weather and just found the adventure in each stop, and experienced the trip like our kids did. We ran around the beach, chased birds, and drove like drunken weebles laughing all the time. For me the best part is that look in Primo’s eyes as I got out and chased him down the beach while the car was still moving. His pure joy and wonder was all pouring out of him and looked at me like he couldn’t believe that was really happening. I often feel like I don’t go all in like that with the boys so it’s nice to let loose and be goofy when I can.

Our 194th Dad in the Limelight is Jimmy Chung (@jimmychung). I want to thank Jimmy for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge).

My name is Jimmy Chung and I started out as a teen parent (on purpose). 19 is still a teen. Yeah…I was a rebel.

Why am I in the limelight? I currently balance my life as a devoted husband, proud father, amateur chef, gamer, and an exciting career as a eCommerce Strategist for one of the top Fortune 500 companies.

2) Tell me about your family

Today at age 24, I’m a proud father of three beautiful daughters and a freshly newborn son so yes, four by 24. Sounds like a TLC show doesn’t it?

I am married to my best friend (Sarah) who I met through a close friend in my first year of college while Sarah was a high school senior. Nothing weird considering I went to school early and we are 3 months apart in age.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

To be honest, the largest challenge for me as a father is not knowing the expectation and situations for each age. As your child gets older, you will encounter new experiences and situations. It’s extremely difficult to predict behaviors and solutions for situations which may or may not happen. Every parent knows life is a challenge, so accept it and adapt. Since I have more than one child, the interactions and behavior will vary for my youngest kids as compared to the experiences of my oldest daughter. For example, my second daughter was able to accelerate in her speech and expression abilities due to learning from her older sister. My oldest daughter was the foundation for accelerating the learning abilities of her younger siblings. The month to month comparison in the acceleration of behavior and maturity was dramatic. Now, my third daughter is learning from her two older sisters while continuing to advance herself. My baby boy is less than 2 months old, so he has a long way to go. ; )

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

My biggest advice to other fathers will start in one word and please mark it down. The word is patience. Your child needs guidance and it is up to you to guide him or her. He or she will look up to you for education and instructions. Your child will mimic your behaviors, actions, expressions, and way of decision making. You need to enforce and believe in patience. When teaching your child something new or scolding him or her for inappropriate behavior, you need to remember the mindset of children. They are fresh to this world and do not understand concepts in which you have learned and practiced for many years. Children are brand new sponges with the need to soak in new knowledge. You are the one responsible for supplying the knowledge in a step by step format of education. The actions of education won’t be easy, but you can be successful if you take time to teach your kids right. Patience is one of the key elements to your child’s development.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

Everything that I’m doing with advancing my career has always been influenced by my family. The reason I work so hard is for the core purpose of building the future for my children and lovely wife. I want to lay down the foundation for my children to grow on while replicating the core values in thinking of family as the number one top priority.

As for balancing parenthood and outside life, I do not only try to spend as much time with my children as possible but I do push myself to stay engaged while I’m with them. This includes asking about their day, what they learned at school, what they ate, and what they would like to do at the moment. As parents, we have to be proactive in engagement for the benefit of our children.

Now we do need a break from time to time to relax. As a parent, I recommend establishing some downtime each day to recharge yourself once the kids are in bed. Everyone needs some time to themselves.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I have been blessed to be raised by a caring father and be surrounded by fathers who have demonstrated the same admiring characteristics. I have witnessed and learned to take the role of a teacher in providing guidance to my children.

 As parents, we are the first teachers before our children even set foot in their first day of school.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

I absolutely love being a father. My children bring me so much joy! You can just have a bad day in general but once you hear their laughter or look at their little faces, the mood just changes to a positive note.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

My most memorable moment, which happens to be a recent event was the day I took my oldest daughter to her first day of Kindergarten. I just couldn’t believed how time just flew by. It’s like she was a baby yesterday and now a kindergartner? I’m just so proud of her. : )
If you have any questions for Jimmy, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

——————————————————————————————-
New to the Divadom?
Please Subscribe to my RSS Feed! Subscribe in a reader
Questions?Drop me a line at dadofdivas@gmail.com

Here’s a great example from *He’s Just Not That Into You* where the Jennifer Anniston character visits her parents’ home to visit her ailing dad and she sees her sisters’ husbands all watching a football game and then sees her ex-boyfriend (played superbly by Ben Afflack) in the kitchen doing dishes after doing the laundry and some food shopping for her dad.
Kitchen Scene

Here’s the follow up scene where she realizes that her boyfriend was more of a husband than her sisters’ husbands will ever be.
Also the finale of the movie so don’t watch it if you haven’t seen it yet and plan to (I highly recommend it!) *Spoiler Alert!*
Ending of He’s Just Not That Into You

Image via Wikipedia

This is a post I wrote on my own blog a few months back. I thought it would fit nicely here with the dadomatic community. If you have children and you let them play on social media websites, or are wondering what to do because your child is asking for a Facebook/Twitter/Google Plus account, this is my approach/opinion. There is no right or wrong way to approach social media with children. I think teaching them to follow the rules is what is important.

Well, we (my wife and I) decided to let our oldest daughter have a Facebook account. She’s fourteen now. Facebook “rules” state children must be at least thirteen. I have seen many parents circumvent that rule and let their children younger than thirteen have an account. I’m not sure what use it is to a six, seven, ten or even twelve year old. Personally, I think doing that teaches children to disrespect the rules, and authority. It tells children it’s okay to break the rules when it suits you. If you are one of those parents, don’t be surprised when they break YOUR rules. You have set the precedent.

About me: I am a talk show host and entrepreneur. I can host your website and help with your social media strategy (www.cabradio.com). I have been happily married since 1997 and am father to five wonderful children. Here is the original post on my website:

• Are You Old Enough For Facebook? (charlieprofit.com)

Don’t we as parents dream of having a family that is always close?  The kind of close that makes the millions of miles that may separate us insignificant?

It’s the family we all want to be.  When the kids are all grown up and out of the house, we want get togethers to be spontaneous and fun.  We want our children to laugh together around the dinner table while we can hear the grandkids being silly in the other room.  We want conversations that last into the night about faith and love and what this life is all about.  Don’t we all long for this kind of closeness.  Some search for it all their lives.  It is our hearts greatest desire.  It could also be our biggest regret, when time passes and the family we have become does not reflect the family we have always imagined.

The question I have been asking myself lately is how do we get there from here?  What does it take to become who I want to be?  What will it take to have a closeness with my children years from now?

This time of year is full of all kinds of advice and how to’s and goal setting.  Even the definition of a resolution hints that it is only a good intention.  But good intentions are not enough.

How did I get to where I am today?  What has made me the person I already am?  The past shapes the present.  I can’t expect things to be different suddenly now if that isn’t the way it has always been.

But surely I’m not just a piece of driftwood thrown about by an angry ocean.  Surely I must have some control over how my future turns out.  The decisions I have made have brought me to where I am now, so I must make the right decisions over time to become the person I want to be.

“What gets to inform the decisions you make today?”

I believe that what we value, not what we say we value, but what we truly value is what informs our decisions on a daily basis.  Moment by moment.  Consciously or not.  The snap judgements, actions, attitudes we have are all shaped by what our hearts value.

So I have been thinking a lot lately about what kind of family I want to have, and what things I should value that will help us become that kind of family.  I have a list of five values so far.

What it means to be a insert last name here:

Honesty

Forgiveness

Generosity

Kindness

Honesty to me means having integrity.  It means speaking words that are true.  It means being open about who we really are with each other.  As Jason Locy and Tim Willard put it, it’s saying the ‘unsaid’ to each other.

Then, if we are to be honest with each other, it is important that the we are quick to forgive.  To forgive even when we’ve been hurt.  To work at forgiving even when it is hard.

Generosity is doing what’s best for someone else.  Being giving of your self, of your time, of your resources.  Looking for needs that you can meet, and then giving what you can to meet them.  Putting your wants after others’ needs and not expecting anything in return.

Kindness speaks to the gentle attitude we should have toward each other. Being patient, polite and courteous.  Treating others with respect.

It’s a list in progress.  Obviously there are dozens of great virtues I want to instill in my kids.  But I want to keep this list as short as possible so that it is easy to remember and focus on.  I’ll probably add some as time goes on and the relationships we have with each other grow and develop.  I look forward to the day when one of my kids might come to me with a suggestion for another virtue they would like to add to our list of family values.  And if these values are on my mind every day, I hope my decisions will be shaped by them.  And that we will become the family I’ve always wanted.

What values do you hold dear?  Do you have a list for your family?  What would you add/delete from this list?  I’d love to hear your suggestions.

Our 193rd Dad in the Limelight is Geordon VanTassle (@Hurricanedad411). I want to thank Geordon for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am a 38 year old family man.  I’ve been family minded since before I met my first wife, whom I was divorced from after less than a year.  I spent about a year in the Army, but was discharged because I couldn’t meet the run requirement due to knee problems.  I’m currently finishing up an AA in psychology through University of Phoenix with plans on a BA in Emergency and Disaster Management to follow.  I have am an amateur (“ham”) radio operator and I have trained as a CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) volunteer and have held an Emergency Medical Technician – Basic license.  As you might get a hint, emergency preparedness is something that is high in my mind.

I have been with the same employer (large telephone company) for over 12 years serving as support for voice-response systems that answer your call and direct you through a call tree.  Helpful hint:  In many cases, say “agent” when asked to say something or hit zero as the key entry and you will get to talk to a live person.  Many, not all, though.  It depends on how the system is configured.

I also live with major depression and anxiety disorder.  Yes, I am a mental patient, but I manage well with medication and a great support system at home.  I make no bones about my mental health because I want to see the stigma associated with mental health erased.  We have no more direct control of our condition than do diabetics or cancer patients.  Plus, in some cases, mental health conditions can be channeled into productive regions, similar to me channeling my anxiety into emergency planning.  By having a productive outlet for my anxiety, I am better able to manage it in other situations.

2) Tell me about your family

I’ve been with my wife for close to 15 years and we’ve raised three children in that time.  The oldest just turned 18, and I am fantaastically proud of the woman that she has grown into.  If you do the math, you’ll notice that my wife had our oldest before we met.  I am step-father to her older two children (son of 17 and daughter of 18), and have been the only father figure that they have ever known.  The difference between the older two and our youngest (daughter, 12) is like night and day.  Where they are more group-players, the youngest is extremely independent.

My wife and I “met” first on an email list for a reenactment group that we both had an interest in.  When we happened to be at an event at the same time, we struck up a pleasant conversation and wanted to stay in contact after the event.  When we exchanged emails, it was a definite “ah HA!” moment, as we realized that we had already gotten to know each other virtually.  Months of email and instant message communication later, we were loving together and have been that way ever since.

As often as not, I wouldn’t know which end is up without her steady influence.  We joke about it, but she really does keep me in line.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

As part of a blended family, I have an interesting perspective.  Because my wife and I had a child together, I can tell you that there is a difference in how you feel about your own offspring versus offspring of someone else.  I don’t love my stepchildren any less than I love my own child, but the love had a different quality at the beginning that I can’t adequately explain.  That being said, even when my daughter was born, I would have given my life for any of the three kids that we have.  I would still.

Feeling the difference (maybe it was because I wasn’t there at the beginnig with the older two, I really don’t know) between the children was something that I struggled with for a long time.  I thought that I should have the same feelings for all three kids, and I felt bad that I didn’t.  That being said, I never thought of the older two as my “Stepchildren” merely because they had a different father.  I always thought of them as “my” kids because I was filling the role of father-figure in their lives.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

The best advice that I can offer would be to accept that you will screw up.  Not “if”, “when”.  Accept that and do your damndest to screw up less than your parents did.  Or, at least, try to screw up differently than they did.

I would also caution other fathers that their children will have their own personalities and opinions from the day that they are born.  You can only guide them, you can’t make them think or behave in any particular way.  They will act the way that they want to, no matter what you do.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

As a parent, you are in the limelight no matter what you think.  Your actions will be seen by your children as a model of how an adult is supposed to act, so be mindful of your actions.  If you are rude to people, your children will (for the most part) be rude to you.  If you are polite, your children will likely be polite.  If you spend all of your waking hours away from them, they will not know you and will likely ignore you when you try to interact with them.

If you are a noncustodial parent, you have to work that much harder to be known by your children.  It takes a lot more than a 5-minute phone call every other week, 2-3 weekends every year and 6 weeks in the summer to really know your children.  When they are young, they want to know you.  If you don’t get to know them (and I mean REALLY know them, not just superficially) when they’re young, they will not want to know you when they are older.  

As for your “outside” life, always keep your family in mind.  They depend on your support emotionally and financially.  Over-balancing in either direction will let them down.  Remember what I said about modeling the behavior that you want to encourage, because kids will catch you out every time you slip up.  Even more so if you think they’re not watching:  Kids see all and hear all, with sometimes humorous and sometimes embarrassing results.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

From some of the fathers that I have interacted with, I have learned that not every man should be a father.  From others I have learned the value of “benevolent dictatorship”, the value of calm in the midst of chaos, and, from my own, I leaned how to change brakes, tires, oil, and spark plugs.  I wish that he had taught me how to handle finances as well as he does.  My own father demonstrated how to be a family provider, and he also taught me that, sometimes, kids want you to be present, rather than just providing.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hold any spite for my dad, but there were times when I was growing up that he was just not there when we (I) wanted him to be.  That being said, I think that the best time that I ever spent with him was when he stepped up at the last minute and was the parent in charge when my Boy Scout troop went to summer camp.  That is my fondest memory of our time together, though there are other, smaller examples.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Once you become a father, everything changes.  Your life is no longer your own, and you suddenly become a bit player in the drama that is your own life.   This is especially true if you have babies.  They become the bright center of your universe.

That being said, you do nobody any good unless you take some time for yourself, too.  Parenthood is the toughest job that you will ever have.  It will, in turns, fulfill you and break your heart.  Make time for yourself, make time for your partner, and make sure that you make time to be together, without the children.  

Stay honest.  Honesty about all things will go a long way to making your partner and children secure in relationship to you.  In addition, don’t keep everything to yourself.  Sharing information (in an appropriate manner and time) will also help secure your relationship.

Apologize when you are wrong.  (I still have a hard time with this one, but I’m trying)

Forgive yourself.  You will screw up, sometimes pretty badly.  Accept it, learn from it, and make a different screw-up next time.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

The most memorable day in the past 15 years has got to be the day that my daughter was born.  I still remember her Apgar scores being 7 and 9 (that’s “pretty good” and “really good” respectively).  She was delivered by C-section, and the OB/GYN had almost delivered her before I got into the operating theater, much to my chagrin.  I had barely sat down next to my wife’s head before our daughter was being held out to show us that she had arrived.  I remember being so warm!  For the first few days of her life, while we were still in the hospital, I barely put her down.  She was barely as long as my forearm, from head to bottom.

If you have any questions for Geordon, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

——————————————————————————————-
New to the Divadom?
Please Subscribe to my RSS Feed! Subscribe in a reader
Questions?Drop me a line at dadofdivas@gmail.com