I’m thinking about these parents as I try to figure out how to attach the Kinect Sensor to the XBOX.

If you had to distill the greatest challenges faced by this generation parents down to a single word, would it start with a lowercase i?

The Ghosts of Parents Past smirk and ask: “Really? That’s what you’ve got to deal with? Little light-up thingies that amuse you and makes life easier, and some imaginary gathering place invented by a twerp in a hoodie? Tough one!”

Maybe we’re a fortunate batch of breeders gone soft as church music, but if you want to  witness real panic and chaos, sneak up on a crowded PTA meeting and shout “Sexting!” “Violent Video Games!” and watch the gathering dissolve into a spastic, gibbering bedlam.

(You expecting and newborn parents are feeling smug right now, but that first teething-biscuit encrusted smudge on your smartphone is months, not years away.)

Maybe an iPad is less dangerous to kids than a steam powered loom, but it seems like the headlines announcing the prevalence of online bullying or the threat to literacy posed by auto-correct scream at us daily. From our iPads.

And it’s not just the tech that’s got us ‘rents jumpy, it’s the rate of change. I propose we get an injunction preventing the introduction any new gadgets that kids will want until the parental controls on 80% of the old ones are turned on.

Which brings me back to my Kinect — a gadget that makes gaming more fun by scanning and storing my children’s voices, faces and body sizes. Would I trade my misgivings about this harvest (what could go wrong?) for the worries of an agrarian dad of yore? Are we that different? Woods or web, we both keep a sharp eye out for predators, but both know that sooner or later, the children must go out there alone.

10. “I don’t want to fall asleep on the couch again. I’ll just wake up and be depressed.”

9. “One thing about being pregnant is you get to know every bathroom.”

8. “Oh…I’m probably going to go throw up in a minute, so use the bathroom now if you need to.”

7. “One thing’s for sure…I don’t ever want to be bulimic.”

6. “Somebody needs to design a food kit for the first trimester, and all the food keeps you from vomiting.”

5. “It’s like a ritual now, to kneel by the toilet.”

4. “I’m sorry I knocked over the table. I guess I don’t realize how big my stomach is.”

3. “What if my stomach has become addicted to throwing up? What if “it” likes it?”

2.  “I’m really disappointed I threw up at Crackle Barrel.”

And the Number One Miranda Pregnancy Quote is:

1. “Being pregnant is hard! It’s everyday!”

Coming Soon, Miranda Pregnancy Quotes from the 2nd Trimester.  If you have a favorite from my twitter feed @PregnancyQuotes leave a comment and let me know what your favorite is.

I digress.

The point is, I’m going to be a father and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything as a film director or creative individual.  I have made only one film that’s having a hard time getting noticed or distributed.  I have made commercials that when submitted for awards have not won.  My music videos only go so far.  I’ve acted in a feature film that critics said where the worst acting they’ve ever seen.  The last time I won a “real” award for filmmaking was 2003 and that was in West Virginia.  Blah blah blah….does this happen to all first time fathers?  Do we all freak the @#*%#@ out?  How the hell do you raise a child, and still try to maintain the life you once had.  Why does everyone tell you your old life is over?!  I’m getting that damn call again from the bad guy from Speed! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

BTW…Miranda, my pregnant wife, was watching Speed when this happened, so that’s why the Speed reference.

NOTE: However, during my freak out, while I was screaming and yelling, I did manage to clean the toilet and straighten up the kitchen.  So am I quite productive when I’m angry.

Take a listen.  Deuce in the Dryer

Topics discussed on this episode:

• Tofurky OR Real Turkey
• Mac N’ Cheese stuffed turkey breast
• Hangover burgers and Krispy Kreme burgers
• The garbage plate
• Wonder if The Egg Council will sponsor us
• Jeff’s dog eats a neighbor’s chicken
• Rules in Texas?
• Movember raises a LOT of money
• Stache-tacular
• Michael Shaves Off His Mo
• Norelco Christmas Ad
• Where is Gillette?
• BCS Bowl Season
• NFL coming down to the wire
• Babble’s Top Dad Group Blogs
• Brad’s son goes mad
• Kids turning 13
• The fun of embarrassing our kids
• “Music is a lot like your under wear drawer.”
• Getting ready for the holidays
• A deuce in the dryer?

Don’t forget to tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Pandora Pacifier
This sonic pacifier uses the conductive properties of the soft palette and skull to stream music directly to your baby’s brain, right where you want it. The unit features a constantly updated playlist of Norah Jones, Adele and Michael Bublé — guaranteed to put any child to sleep within five minutes.

YouTube Diapers
Everybody knows about YouTube’s ability to endlessly accept crap — now that technology has been applied to diapers. Your infant can now download all day long and never fill these Huggies-beaters. Bonus Feature: Anonymous commenters give you feed back on your diaper changing technique and nursery decor.

The iProd
Apple integrates defibrillation paddles into its latest devices, introducing a product that will finally get your tween to pick up her room. One popular app causes the device to fire whenever a child sings Lady Gaga lyrics aloud.

Nintendo Wii Potty Training System
Motion detection system can tell when the child is doing “the dance.” Bonus points are allotted when the remote and nunchuk sense boys lifting the lid. The system notifies parents when the child is “done” but not “done,” so the kid doesn’t have to yell pitifully down the hall for help.

Facebrook
A social site for parents of children with drooling and spitup issues.  Post photos of soaked onesies, ruined ties and blouses. Dry cleaning status updates are shared. Down-The-Back-Ville one of the site’s most popular games.

4Socks
Brought to you by the designers of 4Square, this GPS enabled app will help you locate two pairs of your child’s socks that actually match. You can also perform a check-in every time to have to re-tie your toddler’s shoes. (No longer available through Gowalla.)

I am personally so excited about these products that I decided to have another baby just so I would try them out. But my wife said “no.” So I guess it will just have to be a robot baby. Apple making those yet? I think I’ll name mine Hal.

The Pillars of the DadLabs Community

It’s always been about conversation.

In the beginning it was conversation among Brad, Troy and me. Every Monday night for years we’d meet in the maintenance shed of the school where we worked (Brad had the key) to have a beer or two and talk about maybe going into business together, but the conversation was always ended up being about marriage and fatherhood. We were all new dads, and parenting had so fundamentally changed in the space of one generation that we just had to talk about it.

So conversations about business and fatherhood eventually merged, and DadLabs was born.

We thought that video would be a good way to spark conversation, and we knew something about film production, so that was the starting point for us. But from the beginning, our ambition was to send the videos out as missionaries to try to bring the dads in — to help us build a conversation, and maybe even a community.

We dreamed big when we analyzed the fundamental changes in the structure of family and the roles that men play. Millions of men were finding themselves in completely uncharted waters with nowhere to look for community and maybe a bit of information. So we did what any reasonable person would do. We bet the farm. Quit the day jobs. Went all in.

For the first year, it often felt like we were still in the maintenance shed, talking just to each other. Where was everybody? Where were the dads? iVillage has more traffic that LA! Babble is buzzing! Crickets chirped in our forums.

Then a handful of men started dropping in. A gaggle of regulars. Nothing dramatic.  Posting, responding, sharing, handing out a bit of grief. We knew all their names, like guys in a neighborhood bar. We had a community.

Five years later and we’re still at it (Brad and I, anyway). The community has grown slowly and steadily. But we’re still tiny compared to the mom sites. Downright microscopic, actually. Why? Well, I personally think that for a lot of guys, despite the changes that have taken place, old ideas, models and stereotypes about what a man should do and say hold sway. It’s still difficult, or maybe just unappealing, for a lot of guys to put their experiences as a dad out there.

That may sound bitter, and maybe there is a hint of disappointment in what I feel, but my experience has taught me to value those guys that are willing to engage and  speak out, to show that parenting is their top priority, and want to spend their valuable free time thinking and talking about being a dad. In short, I’ve come to really admire those guys that come to our forum and share.

So it only made sense, now that it has finally come time to bring on an official Community Manager, that we would look to those “Founding Fathers” of the DadLabs community. These guys had proven their commitment and zeal to being dads, and their willingness to generously offer their experiences and opinions.

Maybe the most zealous, most generous and most present of those men, was a guy named Nik.

So it seems right, almost to the degree of poetry, that our first Community Manager is none other than Concretin Nik. Brad and I will still be around — we’re like lice in that way — but it will be Nik who is taking the leadership role on the forums, and on Facebook. We hope that you will welcome him by posting up, jumping into a conversation and generally showing the guts to let the lurkers know how much being a great dad means to you.

There are other changes afoot at DadLabs. We’re evolving, as we have been since we started — exploring new content areas and new digital forms. But we remain committed to our standbys — there will be video, and there will be community. See you around.

Did I hear that right?

What next? Disney touting parent-free cruises to Amsterdam?

Everyone that has kids wants to limit the iPhone. The fact that Sprint uses the image of a kid playing on a phone to promote their unlimited data plans tells me that they kind of don’t get it. A feeling that is only enhanced when I look at the parental controls they offer. While they do not charge for their suite of controls (props for that), they offer fewer features than the more robust offerings from ATT and Verizon. No time limits, no text budgeting. Sometimes limits are a good thing, or didn’t your parents teach you that, Sprint?

Some of the biggest challenges parents face when putting limits on kids with iPhones have nothing to do with the carrier. Let’s take the kid in the commercial as an example. He’s obviously playing with mom or dad’s (can’t really tell who has their back turned) iPhone 4S. What’s to stop him from crashing around, altering contacts, making international calls, editing documents and shooting a few videos all in an effort to launch Jetpack Joyride?

For many moms and dads, their phones are repositories, or at least gateways, to our most valuable and mission critical information. Yet, sooner or later, we all hand that thing over to the kid. How to keep your digital info safe and the kid occupied in the waiting room of the doctor’s office?

The good news is that there’s an app for that. When launched, Sandbox (from Austin’s own Famigo) creates a kid-safe environment of apps and content that simultaneously keeps the grown-up’s stuff safe.

The bad news is that it’s only available on Droid devices. Some API issue that is way over my head prevents them from offering an iPhone app. Hey, Apple! Free Famigo! (Watch our video profiling their app.)

And as long as we’re dreaming, why not allow the creation of multiple user accounts for each iPhone — the way you can with an iMac? One account could be unrestricted, the other would not screen YouTube, be allowed to change settings, to download inappropriate content, etc.

In the meanwhile, I’ve put all the games my kids can play in one folder. I ask them not to leave that folder without asking me. That keeps them from accidentally altering some essential setting — which they still somehow manage to do. Every time.

What issues have you encountered when handing back your iPhone?

That’s because even the postage-stamp tiny iPod Nano 6G can pump over 105 decibels into those bass-enhanced Beats at max volume: more than enough to mow down the tiny cilia floating in the child’s cochlea that enable hearing — damage that is permanent and irreversible. The problem is compounded in kids because of their smaller ear canals (would you rather set off a firecracker in a field or a phone booth?). Sound is louder in more confined spaces.

So should parents go Grinch on the Beats?

Not necessarily.

All iPods (and most MP3 players for that matter) have a feature that allows parents to set safe, pass-coded volume limits in only a few seconds.

Settings a limit on the 6G iPod Nano (touch screen) is dead simple. From the home screen tap settings, then tap music, scroll down and tap Volume Limit. Use the slider to set the volume limit (80% or less is recommended) then tap Lock Volume Limit. You will be prompted to tap in a four digit code and then to re-enter it (good luck if you have big fingers on this tiny touch screen). The volume is then locked. Done.

Limiting the volume on older iPods is equally easy.

Even with limited volume, experts suggest an 80/90 rule — no more than 90 minutes at 80% volume or less.

Parents in the EU are excused from reading this post because all MP3 players available there must be internally limited to producing 80 decibels. Which is good because they’ll be able to hear us when we condemn their socialist ways, and, conveniently, we won’t be able to hear their reply.

Of course, iPods aren’t the only things that kids plug their fashion-forward, rapper-endorsed ear-bling into. And, unfortunately, most do not feature volume limiters. Even Apple computers lack this feature as part of the suite of parental controls. While there are several apps available in the App Store, like Boom, that allow users to increase the sound output of their Macs, there is nothing available to try and protect kids’ hearing.

For that reason, parents should consider disallowing kids from plugging earphones into devices that don’t have a volume limit set. This has the added bonus of allowing parents to hear what the kids are playing and at what volume. Or maybe that’s a downside. If the kids do plug into an unlimited sound source, a good rule of thumb is that they should be able to hear you talking to them with the phones and music on.

Nanny-state hand-wringing when a nice firm “no” should do the trick? Maybe, but music releases endorphins and kids sometimes lack judgment. With a parental control that takes less than a minute to implement, this seems like a small incursion into a kid’s freedom. Besides, Beats and their oft-sued siblings are as much about fashion and status as they are about fidelity. Making a deal — new phones but with a volume limiter — should be easy.

Take a listen:

COD#46

Topics discussed on this episode:

• The importance of Movember
• Goatees are for wimps
• It takes balls to grow a mustache
• Thanksgiving plans
• Penn State Reactions
• ProudToBeAPennStater.com
• The Occupy Movement
• The Daily Show covers Occupy Oakland riot
• Teaching kids about Occupy
• Capers on baked potatoes?
• The comedy of Rick Perry
• Bad Lip Reading
• Herman Cain BLR
• Incognito web surfing
• Christmas Shopping
• Marking up the Sears catalog
• US Post Office
• How smart junk mailers are getting
• The future of libraries

Don’t forget to tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

The movement is called Movember and it’s a distinctly male way of banding together to fight this insidious disease.  By growing these beautiful lip manes we are encouraging men to practice healthy life styles and get regular check ups, as well as raising money for cutting edge cancer research.  And while Movember is specifically geared to combat prostate cancer, for many of us participating, it is a movement against all types of cancer.

Some men look good in hats, some men look good bald and some men look good with a beard.  I look good with a huge, burly trucker stache.  Insane, backwoods, redneck good but good!

My sweet wife says that even though I ruin our Thanksgiving pictures every year she is glad I MO.  Because if you sit down and think about all those folks close to you who have been touched by cancer, it is quite staggering.

These are the folks for whom I MO:

I MO for my Granddaddy Carl who died of lung cancer when I was 6.  A kind and gentle man, he gave me my first pair of cowboy boots and let me sit on his lap and drive the pick-up truck on the farm.

I MO for my friend Steve, a generous man and gracious mentor to my wife who lost his battle three years ago.

I MO for my friend Shelia and her family.  She died last week and her family is hurting; they have always treated me as one of their own.

I MO for my Aunt who has been in remission for 5 years, you go girl!

I MO for Jo-Ann our down the street neighbor, she is a sweet lady and so very kind to my children.

I MO for my Dad who is a decade into his battle and I have yet to hear him complain.  Love you Dad.

I Mo for my  next door neighbor Bill.  He is a kind man, a good friend and a tremendous Father.

I Mo for my Mom who is in her third year of battling and is determined to beat this beast and see her grandchildren grow, they are the source of her inspiration!  She has always been there for me.

That is why I Mo.

Please support my MO by going to my MO PAGE!

Thanks.