Today’s the day.  Another year slips into our memories as the clock ticks forward into 2012.  As parents, nothing should be more cherished than time, for it is a resource that can never be replenished.  A moment past is just that… a moment that has moved from now to then.  A moment that can no longer be lived, but can only be remembered. Memories are wonderful, and valuable, but they are not living.  Father time is a greedy bastard.  He takes far more than he gives… if we let him.

A Momentous Task

Our children provide us with so many moments…  They grow and learn and change so fast that each and every moment we share with them is unique and special and wonderful, because there will never again be another moment exactly like it.  That first smile, word, step, trip on the school bus, trip and fall in the yard, bike ride without training wheels, finger painting, poop on the toilet, poop in the pants, class play, play date, graduation, first crush, first time crushed by love, pimples, dimples, simple questions, questions that can’t be answered, ways they make you question yourself, seeing yourself in them, them seeing themselves in you, you driving them everywhere, them learning to drive, driving you crazy, keeping you driven.    All of these moments we can only remember and never re-live.  As a father of kids who are now in their 20′s, I often reflect upon all of the moments past and passed.  How many of them was I really there for?  How many of them did I let slip by and become a memory without truly recognizing and appreciating the moment itself, at the moment?   The good news is that I did really, truly, enjoy many of the moments with my children, and still do.  The bad news is, I also let way too many moments pass without notice or recognition, and still do.

Seizing the Moments

Without formally calling it a resolution, I am going to work harder in 2012 to seize more of the moments with my children and appreciate them now, while they are happening.  Being a dad is a life’s work, and our kids bring us joy, pride and countless moments to live in together regardless of how old we and they grow.  Father Time can only take our Fatherhood moments if we let him…

How about you?  Are you ready to live in the moments of 2012?  I am going to take this moment to wish you and yours a very Happy New Year!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads  and Wunderkind! podcasts.

Photo Credit: © iQoncept – Fotolia.com

The resort gave us three $10 vouchers to double any $10 bet we placed at the roulette or card tables.

With the kids waiting in the lobby, I placed a two-for-one bet and won on red.

I came back to announce I had won $20.

What should we do with the winnings? I asked them: We can walk away now with $20 or we can have Mom place a $10 bet with our winnings, leaving us with $10 in winnings.

“Bet it,” they said, recognizing we were playing with money with didn’t have moments earlier.

We returned quickly and shared the bad news. “Mom lost. We have two $5 chips left.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I challenged. “You can each have $5 of our winnings. You can keep the $5 and we can leave right now or you can join together and have me bet your $10.”

It was interesting and fun watching them debate what to do with their money. First eight-year-old Lucas, who badgered me all week about how gambling was “stupid” once I shared my slanted description of the pastime, decided he would keep his $5. 10-year-old Zachary hemmed and hawed and finally decided to have me bet his $5.

When he learned “if Zachary wins, he will keep all the winnings,” Lucas decided to bet his $5 as well. We let them choose which color to bet on, so they would take full responsibility for the outcome.

Zachary put out two hands and asked Lucas to pick one. Lucas chose Zach’s left hand and Zach announced, “Bet on red!”

So Mom and Dad went back to the roulette table and did as we were instructed.

The kids were jumping out of their seats as we approached them. “Did you win?!?!”

Thumbs down. No, we lost, and you could see them deflate. Now we won nothing and lost nothing. I had four $5 chips left. This was the money Beth and I started with. I pushed the lesson further.

“Would you like me to make another bet for you? This would be with your own money. I will lend you $5 and you will pay me back no matter what happens. If you win, you keep everything.”

This time Lucas would not take the bait. He held $5 and saw it go away. Zach “felt bad” about losing the money and wanted a chance to win it back. He took the bet – and when it paid off – he was deliriously jumping around. “I’m so happy!” he danced about his new fortune.

“I could bet it again and you could make even more money,” I taunted Zach.

“NO! NO! No more bets!”

The Next Day
The next day I asked both what they thought of gambling.

“Not a good idea,” said Lucas, now $5 poorer, “because you can lose your money, all the money that you bet. You can win money, and you do another gamble, and then you lose the amount of dollars that you won.”

Zachary said, “I can see how gambling can be addicting for other people because they see they are winning money but then they forget they are losing money too. They might say, ‘I just won! Maybe I can do it the next time!’ And casinos basically make it impossible for you to do any actually winning unless you win in the beginning and you quickly leave. Very few people win big in the casino.”

He concluded, “It’s hard to predict my future but probably, no, I won’t be addicted to gambling because now I’ve learned younger not to play the ‘Cheese Caper’ slot machines.”

Your kids
How have you broached the subject with your kids? Any wisdom to share here?

:: Joe Hage is chief storyteller for Medical Marcom, a medical devices marketing consultancy helping medical companies become more approachable and engaging. ::

Image via Wikipedia

As I have now watched my three kids grow, evolve, morph and mature from helplessly adorable infants to helpful and independent young adults, I find myself thinking a lot about my own evolving role as a parent.  As much as our kids change, so do we, and so do the strings we have attached to our children.

STRING THEORY

When they are infants, the tie between us and our kids is like a chain – they must be constantly and solidly connected to us, as they rely on their parents for just about everything in their tiny world view.  We provide food, shelter, comfort, learning, even mobility.  If the chain between us breaks, they are relatively helpless.  Until they discover crawling and walking.  Suddenly their world has become much larger, along with their sense of freedom to explore such world.  Suddenly our grip loosens just a bit, and what was once a chain is now a less restrictive rope.  Then they move from the world parents can totally control, to the real world of schools and playgrounds and chaos.  The rope becomes a string, still attached strongly enough for us to easily yank them back under our protective wing, but with each passing year the string gains slack, and our kids gain more and more independence.

TAKING FLIGHT

As they move into their teens, our kids miraculously grow wings and are determined to take flight at every opportunity.  They have an innate desire to test the boundaries of their growing sense of self and independence.  They are seemingly compelled to pull the string between us as taught as possible, challenging its strength and our ability to remain in control.  As their increasing self-confidence drives them to take flight, they become like a kite at the end of our string, pulling hard in the wind, whipping back and forth to find a comfortable path, while we run along below them, tightly grasping the string, fighting to exert as much control and guidance upon the kite’s journey as we can.  Sometimes we enjoy the synchronous calm of a perfect balance… and sometimes it simply seems impossible to keep the damn kite from a nosedive to the ground.

LETTING GO

Finally, our children become young adults, and while they are not really kids anymore, our desire to hold onto that string is as strong as ever.  They will always be our kids, and we will always be their parents.  It is a constant that cannot be broken, perhaps the only one of its kind.  As they go off on their own –  to college, to jobs, to their own homes, to start their own families – they rise aloft, no longer pulling like a kite, but rather soaring boldly and gracefully like a bright and colorful balloon at the end of our string.  And like that balloon, at some point we have to let go of the string and look up, smiling in awe as we watch them soar off magnificently on their own…

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads  and Wunderkind! podcasts.

Remember this, everyone believes their child is an angel so no one wants to accept the fact that their child could be one of these cold, heartless bullies that ridicules and hurts other kids…something physically, but always mentally and emotionally. Many times these innocent kids take their own lives because their life is that difficult to take. They feel hopeless, worthless and give up the will to live. We can do something about this by becoming more aware and involved…not just with our own children but all children and our school systems. If you’re a young person who becomes a witness to this abuse, no matter how minor it seems, you must get involved, even if it’s secretly by telling a teacher, principal or another adult. Anyone who ignores these acts of aggressive and disrespect becomes an accomplice to the crime.

Here are some other pieces we’ve done on Dad-O-matic on this important subject matter:
The Bully Pulpit (my very first piece for DOM)
Protecting Our Precious Angels
Chris Cuomo’s special on 20/20 on Bullying (includes links to many useful tools and resources to deal with bullying)
Losers:EveryOne (anti-bullying video)

Because it’s so powerful, here is the trailer for The Bully Project movie