Image: Walt Disney Pictures

20. “No real programmer would ever use PHP.” – This won’t work for every geek, of course, but for those it works on, it should work really well.

19. “Comic books are just for kids!” – I’m sure you’ve heard this one before—I know I certainly heard it often enough in high school, and even though it’s even less true now than it was then, I’m sure comic book afficionados still hear it today.

18. “Role-playing games are just for people who can’t deal with real life.” – There are, sadly, still a lot of people who think anyone who plays D&D must live in his parents’ basement and bathe once a month. Such people must be put straight, and immediately!

17. “The Pirates of the Caribbean movies are so realistic!” – I doubt many people actually believe this, but there are an awful lot of misconceptions about pirates out there, so you never know.

16. “Yeah, I got an Xbox 360 so my daughter could play Hello Kitty games. Is it really good for anything else?” – We’ve hit the ones that are hard for me even to type, now…

Image: Lucasfilm Ltd.

15. “Mac, Windows, or Linux? Does it really make a difference?” – An argument so old its original form was probably first written down in hieroglyphs, I know, but I don’t know a single geek it wouldn’t work on—myself included.

14. “The Ewoks were the best thing about the original Star Wars trilogy.” / “Greedo shot first!” - I couldn’t decide between the two. If one doesn’t work, I’ll bet the other one would.

13. “Tolkien? Ehhh, I prefer Terry Brooks!” – I almost feel like I should argue with myself just for writing that. I’m going to let the top two stand for themselves.

12. “Joss Whedon is a hack!”

11. “I don’t see what’s so bad about DRM!”

Image: Mozilla Foundation

10. “Internet Explorer is much better than Firefox—why else would it be the most popular browser?”

9. “Jar-Jar Binks was so funny, I wish he’d been in the original trilogy, too!”

8. “Homeopathy works, no matter what ‘science’ has to say about it.”

7. “If open-source software was really that great, they’d charge for it.” - I’ve actually had people say this to me a few times over the years. As a software engineer who’s used lots of open-source projects, I’m particularly sensitive to this one.

6. “The best Star Trek film was number five, no question.”

Image: Muppets Studios, LLC

5. “Dreamworks kicks Pixar’s animated butt!” - I like a lot of Dreamworks films, don’t get me wrong. But there’s really just no contest.

4. “Jim Henson was nothing more than a glorified puppeteer.” - Anyone who would actually say this ought to be strung up by his thumbnails, of course.

3. “Batman is so boring—he doesn’t even have any super powers!”

2. “Geeks are all like those guys in Revenge of the Nerds, right?”

1. “Who needs Gmail? I’ve got AOL!”

Any other good ones come to mind for you? Please share them in the comments!

[This article was originally published (as two articles) in June of 2009.]

I had only left them on the end table for a few seconds to attend to Ella in the bathtub.  When I came back into the living room, one of her hearing aids was on the living room floor, and I wasn’t liking the answers I was getting about the other one.

“Where is it, Pax? Where did you put Ella’s other hearing aid?”

His first answer shocked me.

His two year old lips shaped every syllable “Maybe it’s in the re-frig-er-ator…“

I was on my knees moving every food item I could from shelf to shelf.  Our freezer is on the bottom, which is right at his level.  ”Please, no! He couldn’t have put it in here?!” I prayed.

I turned to him again, looking him in the eyes trying to get a read on what exactly was going on in that brain of his.  His second answer brought more clues.  His toddler lisp gave this description of its fate, “Maybe I threw it way up high?“

He looks sweet and innocent, but his mind is devious!

This seemed more believable than the refrigerator, though I’ve found many toys stuck to bags of frozen vegetables before.  Ella was now out of the tub and fully aware of the situation. She started crying as I began my search from ceiling to floor.  Inside the light fixtures. Check. Top of the TV. Check. Mantle. Check. Top of the couch cushions. Check. Maybe behind the couches? This was getting ridiculous.

I turned to interrogate him once again.  ”Where did you throw it way up high, Pax?”

“Hm. I know. Maybe outside!”  Now I let out a little chuckle because it was almost for certain he was fibbing. Like the time he said that Grandpa stole his toy bus…But at this point Ella is crying and repeating over and over how special her hearing aids are and how expensive they are, not caring one bit about my reassurances that we will find them.

Finally, Ella stumbles across them in the toy closet.  Her relief is apparent though her face still looks like she wants to burst into tears. The nervous laughter helped to release the tension she was experiencing.  Apparently he had thrown them way up high, or at least across the room.

This was a lesson for Pax to NEVER touch Ella’s hearing aids again, and a lesson for me to NEVER set them down within his reach, either.  I don’t want to be driving all over town the next time one turns up missing chasing one of his crazy made up stories about how he must have left it at the zoo or something…

The Sass Kids

(This episode of Cast of Dads is sponsored by the new Motorola Droid RAZR.  Want to win one? Listen to the show and find out how!)

Everyone at the Cast of Dads and Dadomatic hopes you and your families enjoyed a great Mother’s Day this past weekend!  Four of the five Cast of Dads got together to recap our own family adventures.  Speaking of adventures, Max was not able to join us for the show as he and his dad and his son were at sea, on a sailing trip from Ft. Lauderdale to New York!  We look forward to hearing about his trip on the next episode of the show.

You can CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 51.

Topics discussed in this episode include:

• Max is at sea
• Boat side BBQ with Jeff & Max
• Enter to win a new Motorola DROID RAZR
• Rotary dialing apps – Android & iPhone versions
• Retro phone handsets
• How we celebrated Mother’s Day
• Watching home movies
• C.C. goes to National Train Day (photos)
• Chapman kids first time in NYC
• Jeff’s son graduates from Berklee School of Music
• Off the grid time
  

  Captain Max & Son

• Yearly activity traditions with our kids
• Disney or Club Med sure would make great sponsors
• Virgin Galactic
• Deliverance
• Scuba Diving
• By land, sea, train, plane or spaceship

If you have been enjoying The Cast of Dads please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads and Wunderkind! podcasts.

“I’m having an orgasm,” came the shout heard around the quad.

It was clear. It was unmistakable. It was unavoidably audible.

And timed perfectly to cause maximum shock value.

My teen-aged daughter and I were on our sixth and final college campus tour. By now, the routine had become familiar. After an admissions counselor dutifully presented the college’s credentials and outlined the admissions requirements, a hyper-enthusiastic student, as well-practiced in the school story as in walking backwards while telling it, gave us a tour of the campus. If “admissions” was a team, the student tour guides would be its cheerleaders.

This one started innocently enough, passing venerable academic buildings, the majestic library, a state-of-the-art athletic facility. There was something so familiar, but that’s because this was my alma mater. Yep, I spent four years on this campus and received my degree from Lehigh University. Indeed, as we passed Maginnes Hall, it brought back vivid memories of HR 41, formally known as Human Sexuality.

It felt good to be back after such a long absence. Now I remember: In spite of the rigorous academics, I had a really good time here. That included a certain amount of debauchery that goes with college. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna drop serious coin for my daughter to experience that.

On the other hand, being out from under her parents’ wing will be one of the most enriching growth opportunities of her life, not only to learn, but to meet all types of interesting and different people.

As joyful recollections danced in my head, our group of about 20 sixteen-year-olds and 30 parents was directed by our perky guide to the campus residence halls. As a father, particularly of a daughter, I can only hope that she won’t be doing what I did, right here in these same residence halls, when the drinking age was still 18.

Then came the moment.

In what sounded almost like a public address announcement delivered by a male voice from a room nearby, broadcast to the surrounding vicinity: “I’m having an orgasm.”

That wasn’t the kind of “interesting and different people” I had in mind.

To say that our group response was muted is an understatement. Although every single one of us heard it, silence prevailed as if trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Our tour guide’s reaction could best be described as mortified.

Awkward doesn’t do the scene justice; this was a conspiracy of awkwardness. Or, as a teenager might say, “ewwww.” Other than walking in on a couple of students actually having sex, what could be more uncomfortable to a co-ed group of teenagers with their parents in tow, just about to enter the dormitory where they might potentially spend the next four years, than to hear someone loudly proclaim their orgasm?

I should have stayed quiet. But the former standup comedian in me instinctively took over, yelling back to the orgasmic shout-out as I would have to a heckler at a nightclub: “You’re always too soon.” The result was awkward on steroids.

Our tour guide led us inside the “co-ed” dorm, making sure to inform us that the bathrooms were not co-ed. Oh, what a relief.

I couldn’t help but notice that she later failed to point out the health center, where I recall that they dispensed birth control as readily as band-aids.

My kid loved the school.

I decided that our next tour would be women’s colleges.

Pin It

No related posts.

The first one was about a month ago. I was wearing a Stormtrooper t-shirt I had gotten for Christmas. My daughter Lucy was sitting across from me at the table, and said, “I like your shirt, Dad.”

I thanked her, thinking she liked the artsy design and bright colors.

Then she asked, “That’s from Star Wars, isn’t it?”

My ears perked up, because I hadn’t talked that much to her about my favorite movies in the history of the universe. Yet.

“Why yes, it is,” I responded.

The thing she said next solidified that day as my greatest as a Dad.

“I can’t wait to watch that movie. Can you tell me about it?”

She immediately had my undivided attention and I spent the next ten minutes regaling her with stories about a princess (the perfect in!), a bad guy named Darth Vader, and a hero who just so happened to have the same name as her brother (Ben).

Up until that point, I’d had an ongoing internal debate about the proper time to introduce my firstborn to Star Wars. Of course I’d start at Episode 4, but my sense was that I’d probably have to wait until she was four or five. But this unexpected early interest changed everything.

My wife Kim suggested we start her off on some Star Wars children’s books, and wouldn’t you know it, the Easter Bunny just so happened to include a few used ones that he’d found online in her Easter basket. Lucy took to them like a Jawa to a junkyard. She even seemed to understand the overarching plot line, which is not always easy to follow. (Try explaining a “tractor beam” to a three-year-old sometime).

Then came the moment of truth. Kim thought she might be ready for the movie, and I agreed. Last weekend, after dinner, we all switched into our pajamas in settled into the living room for the first installment of Star Wars. (We divided the viewing into two nights.) I tried my best to keep Lucy abreast on what was happening, but she was already with me. Kim humorously observed that I was (allegedly) so enthralled with the movie myself that I didn’t even notice a few questions Lucy was asking me.

Lucy was hooked. In the days that have followed, she’s been playing Star Wars non-stop, running around looking for Ben and muttering about “using the Force.” She’s transformed into Luke Skywalker, Kim is Princess Leia, I am Han Solo (huzzah!) and her little brother morphs between R2-D2 and Chewie.

It was official. The day we watched Star Wars together for the first time became my new greatest day as a Dad.

And today may eclipse even that.

For today, my friend, is Star Wars Day (May the 4th be with you!). And this evening, I will be surprising Lucy by pulling out some of my old Star Wars toys for her to play with.

I predict that her mind will be blown.

And that I may have a new greatest day as a Dad.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

The door swung open and her voice changed.

“I can’t get the toilet paper”

I had just put a new roll on the holder.

George experiments with knock-out gas and has his first drug trip?!?!?!

I was stunned, but played it cool and quickly turned the page.  The advantage was mine since my kids had never heard this story before, so they could not tell if I was skipping any words.  But they could not contain their glee at seeing the picture on the next page…

George had to be resuscitated in the shower?!

I don’t know when this book was written, or what lessons about curiosity this is supposed to teach.  But, curiously enough, when we got to the George Takes a Job episode on Netflix…George never went to the hospital.  I’m telling you no lies.

In preparation for this post, I also decided to do a little research.  Wikipedia just lays it out there matter of fact.

“He recovers in the hospital, but tampers with a bottle of ether and is overcome by the fumes. The man with the yellow hat and a nurse waken him with a cold shower.”

What surprised me more though, were the reviews on Amazon.  Only ONE person mentioned this little episode of getting high.  While other people had problems with the book presenting curiosity as a negative thing.  Wait, what?! Or maybe they just had their hands on the newly edited version.  Here are some reviews:

“It is a great family read!”

“The illustrations seem to say more than the words.”

“My 2 year old sister likes them too.”

And fittingly, “I was hooked.”

Not surprising though is that the first edition of this book is number 23 on the list of most valuable first editions of children’s literature.  It is worth anywhere between $1,400 and $2,400 probably for what other things it contained that have since been redacted…

© style-photography.de – Fotolia.com

Woohoo!  This is EPISODE 50 of the Cast of Dads podcast!  As we hit this milestone, I thought I would share the tale of how the Cast of Dads came together…

Back when Sony came a callin’ and invited myself and four other dads to become “DigiDads” and get the chance to play with some of their products, of the five participating dads I only knew C.C. Chapman.  Since then I have had the pleasure of spending time in person with all of the former DigiDads (C.C., Brad Powell, Max Kalehoff and Michael Sheehan) but actually, the five of us have yet to meet as a group in person (brands, are you listening?)  During the DigiDad program we had regular conference calls together, and it was clear that, despite geographic, age, and kid-stage differences, we all got along great, and had a collective kindred spirit about life, parenting, and blogging.

When the DigiDad program ended we really didn’t want to stop our regular calls and our budding friendships, so we decided to keep the dream alive and start a podcast together.  The result is the Cast of Dads.  If you’ve been a regular listener you know that we don’t have much of an agenda.  Really, we’re just being ourselves and having a conversation, and inviting you to listen along.  Between us five dads we have thirteen kids, from toddlers to college grads, so we have lots to talk about and perspectives and opinions on just about every phase of parenting and fatherhood.  I  hope you’ve enjoyed these 50 episodes as much as we have.

Today, I consider Brad, Michael, Max and C.C. among my best of friends, and I truly look forward to every time we get together to record a show.  Of course, the Cast of Dads wouldn’t be half as much fun without you too!  We greatly appreciate your taking the time to listen, and always love hearing your comments and feedback.  THANK YOU!  We hope you’ll continue to tag along for the next fifty shows!

You can CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 50.

Topics discussed in episode 50 include:

• Happy 50th Episode
• Boston Marathon
• Running in costumes
• Ringing the dinner bell
• Exposing kids to new foods
• Sarachi Sauce
• The Oatmeal
• LG Makeover Contest – VOTE FOR MICHAEL!!
• Michael’s Makeover
• Weekend with LG in New Orleans
• Convert your old TV to an aquarium
• Old electronics
• Listening to the radio?
• Hacking Tivos
• Max going sailing
• C.C. headed to Ghana with ONE
• Grasscutters
• National Train Day is May 12th
• Taking the train and seeing the country
• Jeff’s neighbor rebuilds steam engines
• Playing with model trains
• Max’s awesome engine
• The magic of dirt
• Power washing
• Draining the snowblower

If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads and Wunderkind! podcasts.

I enjoy a good plumbing challenge just as much as the next guy. I view it as one of the more finesse areas of home improvement. Much like a woman, you have to be gentle and take care of the pipes, or they can make your life miserable. I also think that after working in the hardware business for around 6 years that I have a clue, albeit a small one, about fixing the minor stuff around the house. Well… I nearly met my match.

This item may start as a fragrant, moist, small square, designed to cleanse the dirtiest of regions, but ends in an unholy nightmare. That’s right, the flushable wipe.

Flushable wipes are flushable in the sense that anything you can shove down a toilet is flushable. Plus, try as you might, you can’t pull just one wipe out of the container. Couple these two facts together with an overzealous, sneaky, 3 year old novice wiper, and you have a problem. Low and behold one of our toilets became a bit stopped up.

I was glad that I knew this before using said bathroom so that I didn’t use it… except I didn’t, and I used it. So, after making my deposit and flushing, I watched the water begin it’s quick ascent up the side of the toilet bowl. Luckily, I still had my wits about me and yanked off the back of the toilet and killed the flow of water. It was time for the plunger.

Whee-whoo Whoo-whoo is the sound a plunger makes when it is doing absolutely nothing but sucking air, and much to my dismay, this is exactly the sound mine was making. Which could only mean one thing… the clog was past where the toilet and sink meet (which was confirmed by the neat-o trick of turning the sink on and watching water come up through the toilet). It just got real.

Luckily, there is a handy dandy cleanout in the basement! Unluckily, since it hadn’t been opened since 1824, it couldn’t be coaxed open, even after a stern talking to. So I was left with one option. To the roof!

With plumbing snake in hand, I made my way up onto the roof, and with a rugged determination thrust the snake down the drain-waste-vent pipe (at this point, the faint of heart should quit reading… but if you dare, read on). Much to my dismay, but not unexpectedly, I found an obstruction. I began to slowly turn the snake, hoping it would bite on to whatever was down there… and it did. Like reeling in the big one, I hoisted the snake back out of the pipe, and what should I find but a poo soaked wipe. After dislodging the wipe, I used my feces encrusted fingers to lower the snake back down into the pipe. Round two produced yet another poo wipe, and round three yet another before the blockage was finally clear. I raised my diarrhea hands in victory! Or so I thought… To make a long story even longer, I fished approximately 8 wipes out over the course of a few weeks.

I hate flushable wipes, they are awful, and even though they may break down in the sewer system at some point, they will stay in your pipes forever. I hate flushable wipes.

photo courtesy of Lenore M

My wife teaches English classes twice a week, and on Wednesday, she forgot to grab a CD that she needed for class in order to print off worksheets for her students.  She called for my help, and I left my daughter on the couch watching her favorite show (Caillou on PBS) while I went upstairs to email my wife the files that she needed.  I was out of my daughter’s sight for no more than ten minutes.